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With so many marriages ending in divorce it would be nice to think I could share with you the exact recipes for everlasting happiness, but in reality there is not going to be a one size fits all recipe to the ‘perfect marriage’. I can honestly say I am very happy with my hubby, and still very much in love, but I know there are no guarantees, and I know all couples face difficult times and have their relationships challenged. I also know for sure that I don’t take my happy marriage for granted. I am grateful everyday for his love and support and I think showing gratitude towards each other helps our marriage stay strong. I am not an expert on marriage and I am not qualified to advise anyone, so this post is just me giving some tips on what I believe makes a marriage a happy one and one that can survive the statistics.

  • The person you choose to marry (or live with) needs to be your ‘safe haven’, they need to be ‘your soft place to fall’. When you have had a tough day, or are just really down your partner needs to be someone who will support you in the way your require. For some that is just having someone to hold you, for others it will be having someone who will listen to you moan. You know what you need when you are down so make sure you get that from the person you intend to marry. Relationships won’t always be smooth sailing, but if you have someone who is willing to support you and listen to you then you have a great chance of getting through the tough times.
  • Make sure you are in each others corner. Have each others back! You are guaranteed to have some times in your marriage where your love and devotion may be tested, but if you know your partner supports you no matter what then you will have the confidence to know you will get through it. When tough times arrive you won’t question each others devotion or support and this is key to a great marriage.
  • Be a team, but remain individuals. You want to know you will back each other up, but you also need to have your own strength, don’t rely on your partner to ‘fix’ everything. You want a partner who supports you, not parents you. Don’t be tempted to parent them either or you will loose respect for each other.
  • Maintain your own passions. It is fabulous to have shared hobbies and do things together, but also make time for your own passions and allow your partner the freedom to have their own passions too. Hubby and I share a passion for photography, books, and exploring the world around us. I have my own passions with writing & interior design and Hubby has his running and bike riding. We also have friends in common and individual friends. It is important that you don’t restrict your partner from their passions. Show them you support them, ask questions and let them talk to you about their passions.
  • Be playful, have fun. Make time for FUN! It is shared laughter that keeps a marriage strong. Don’t ever put your partner down, but gentle flirtatious teasing and laughing is so much fun for both of you. Let your hair down and enjoy each others quirks. There are times where we need to be serious, but seriousness all the time can become boring so add some shared fun and humour.
  • Go out together, see new things, eat in different places, walk, go bowling, fishing, hike, build a sandcastle, be adventurous. Make time to play! With or without your kids it doesn’t matter, just get out of the house and have fun.
  • Every now and then do something special for one another ‘just because’. Cook a special favourite meal, grab their favourite take away, run them a bath, or take the kids out for a couple of hours so they can have some alone time. Bring home a cup cake, or leave a love note. Small gestures go a long way!
  • Worry less about the small stuff! At the end of the day does it really matter that he can never manage to pick the towel off the floor? Does it really matter that she leaves her bras hanging on the side of the hamper? Yes little things can be annoying, but only because we fixate on them! Stop making small things a big deal. We all have annoying habits so get over it, no one is perfect and I’d rather have a partner who loves me, supports me, makes me laugh and cooks me dinner some nights than a terrible partner whose only good trait is to hang up his towel!
  • Focus on their good points. Appreciate all the good in your partner, tell them how grateful you are for specific things that he/she does! Practice daily gratitude and notice the small gestures that your partner does that add up. For example instead of focusing on the fact that he left toothpaste in the sink, focus on the fact that he made you breakfast, he gave you a foot rub, the way he reads to your kids, the way he encourages you to follow your dreams, or the way he treats you with love and respect.
  • Even if you argue never ever disrespect each other! It is normal and even healthy to have different opinions and small arguments. Don’t expect that you will always agree on everything, you didn’t marry yourself you married and individual with a mind of their own. Yes you will argue, but there is never a need for calling each other hurtful names or being violent. Always respect your partner enough to not be unnecessarily cruel or put them down.
  • Don’t forget the romance. Little gestures of affection go a long way to keeping a marriage happy and alive. Hugs throughout the day, a sneaky kiss, complimenting your partner makes them feel attractive and loved. Sex is important in a relationship, we need to feel wanted and needed. Yes there are days where you wont want to have sex and that is fine! But try and stay connected. Don’t criticise your partners body or looks, tell them they are attractive. Touch is hugely important, sit together side by side when watching TV, snuggle up, it promotes feel good endorphins and we all need to feel good. It is not all about sex, but connection is so important to making a marriage last.

Marriage won’t be all sunshine or picnics at the beach, it will be tested by many things. Sometimes family interfere, stress from finance and job cuts or pressure from a boss, late nights at work. Children add strain as well as pleasure, and loss of loved ones, grief, miscarriage, and mistrust all test us. But remember why you chose to be with this person, keep the fun alive, compliment and love your partner and share individual and mutual interests, be affectionate and if you always show respect to one another you will have a great chance of being in a marriage that fulfils you and keeps you smiling!

Here’s a photo of me and my hubby back when we were first engaged. The quality isn’t great, but I thought I’d share it anyway as it makes me smile. It is great to look back at old photographs and remember what made you fall in love in the very beginning, plus it is often gives you a good giggle too.

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Do you have any advice to keep a relationship happy and healthy?

Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx

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