I know what ‘giving up‘ feels like,  I know how it made me feel about myself, I remember the feelings of inadequacy, disappointment and  self loathing.

I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don’t. 

Neila Rey

I got to a point a couple of years ago where I was too familiar with what it felt like to give up, to be a ‘quitter’, that’s how I felt, I felt like I was a quitter. Anything that challenged me too much was just easy to avoid, to pretend that it didn’t matter. I was happy enough, right? No actually I wasn’t happy! How could I be happy when I was calling myself a quitter? When I was putting myself down all the time? I mean who can really be happy when they are being put down every day whether it is by someone else, or themselves?

No one else was calling me a quitter, just myself. I was my own worst enemy, and sadly so many of us are! We build up patterns over years, a lifetime of telling ourselves we are not good enough, or we don’t deserve good things. I had good things and good people in my life, yet I felt I didn’t deserve them. I felt I was living in a very fragile bubble and any day it would burst! I mean how could I be so lucky, how could I have an amazing man who loved me and 3 amazing children when I wasn’t worthy of any of them? At least that is what I thought, I thought I wasn’t worthy!

But that is the thing about thoughts, we actually have power over them! 

I had heard that before, that we have power to change our thoughts, but hearing it, or knowing it on an intellectual level is very different to actually believing it deep inside of yourself. But I began to think ‘what if it is true? What if I could change the thought patterns I had spent  a lifetime building?’  If it was possible to break the cycle of negative self talk, feelings of inadequacy, and stop feeling like a quitter wouldn’t that be pretty amazing? 


To love myself, to believe I deserved good things did not come naturally to me, like I said it was a lifetime of feeling like I am not good enough and I am not deserving, so it wasn’t going to be as easy as just deciding I was going to start loving myself and bam it happened! But anything worth having is worth putting in the effort for! My natural mentality though was to quit wasn’t it? I mean that’s what I told myself, I was a quitter!

But when I stopped and really looked at what I had given up on in life suddenly the proof said otherwise. Somehow stopping and just being silent and actually looking at the facts as opposed to the emotions I realised that I wasn’t the quitter I was saying I was, my mind and emotions was over ruling the cold hard facts. What I was telling myself and feeling about myself was not the truth.

But somehow these things didn’t seem to matter because I was focussing on the things I gave up on rather than the things I didn’t give up on. Yes I have quit things, and given up on things, but does that actually mean I am a failure? Of course not. It is easy to know that on an intellectual level, but when emotions are involved we often feel bad about ourselves when we decide to move on because something became too difficult.  But the truth is there are times we need to give up on things, there are times in our lives where it is unhealthy, or unsafe for us to keep pursuing something just so we can puff out our chest and say “I am not a quitter!”

There are times where givng something up is the right choice. We take vows that our marriage will last, we make promises that we will never give up on a relationship, but when you leave because something feels wrong, it is unsafe, or is making you miserable I don’t see that as quitting I see it as succeeding!

The same goes for many things in our lives, whether it is study, career, a bad habit, relationships or anything else, if it is making us miserable, causing us pain either mentally or physically then letting it go is not quitting in a negative sense, but quitting in a positive sense. Which in turn is succeeding.

I think you have to be able to step back and clearly evaluate how much something is worth fighting for and obviously that will depend on who is involved and what the situation is. There is no doubt that some things are worth fighting for more than others, and things like our physical and mental health are high on the list of what is worth fighting hard for. Our children is another one, they deserve to be safe and their well being is worth fighting for and not giving up on.

There will always be times in our lives where we are thrown a challenge and we have to evaluate how much we want what we are working so hard for. If it is simply to please or impress others then you will have to do some soul searching and discover if this is just a ‘superficial want‘ and not something that is worth putting yourself through stress and pain for.

When something is causing us huge anxiety, when you wake up feeling sick, have a sore stomach all the time, can’t sleep, can’t eat then you really need to think if your goal is worth it. At times the answer is yes, when you are reaching for a goal that matters it isn’t always easy, but at other times the answer is no. Giving up on things that are causing you great distress is sometimes the best decision. Really way up why you are striving for this goal and how it will improve your life.

My goal 2 years ago was to get healthy mentally, to stop being so critical of myself and to start believing I deserve the good things in my life. It hasn’t been an easy journey, it has meant digging into some really painful memories and facing them. It has at times felt like an impossible mission, but 2 years on I can honestly say I believe I deserve happiness, that I am a good person who deserves great things. 2 years ago I doubted that I could be where I am now, but here I am stronger, healthier and happier. I had to evaluate how important this goal was to me, and I knew this wasn’t something I could quit because I knew I had to fight for my happiness. I am still working on myself, like I said a lifetime of negative self talk takes a lot of work to get over, but this is a fight I am determined to not quit, and I am happier for that every day.

If the goal we are striving towards will make us happier, healthier and a better person then we should go for it! If not, then we should not be afraid to let it go and give ourselves a healthier goal to work towards. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this so please leave me a comment below.

If you enjoyed this post you may enjoy;

Are you speaking the wrong language?

How to have a happy marriage

Are you hungry for a better life?

Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx


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