This quote would have scared the crap out of me most of my life, I was the child that felt safe in my regular routine. I liked the comfort of being home with family, the routine of school and family life day in and day out. I wasn’t one to push the limit or boundaries. I was more than content in my safe little bubble. You didn’t find little Mackenzie daring to jump off the roof wearing a superhero cape that’s for sure!
Now I see this quote and it jumps out at me, it resonates with who I am today. Now don’t get me wrong, I still like my home comforts, and you won’t find me bungee jumping of the Sydney Harbour Bridge on a Saturday night. I have however, come to see that ‘living‘ is not ‘living‘ when you don’t take chances, and especially when you don’t follow your dreams
There were times I followed my dreams and took chances, only I dipped my toe in to test the waters first and then slowly eased myself into things, rather than just diving in. Maybe that is the sensible way to do things, but for me I found that it stopped me following through on my dreams. I would start easing my way in, be freaked out by something and then jump back out of the water before I could drown. The problem is I never gave myself a chance to float, let alone swim. What if I didn’t drown? What if I hadn’t failed? I gave up too soon before I ever had the chance to find out!
I can’t change the way I was, I can’t go back and dive in now, but I can learn from who I was. Now I am not saying I wasn’t happy, on the contrary I have lived a great life, full of amazing memories, but if I am being honest there was always that part of me that wanted more. The part of me that was trapped inside begging to be let loose. The kind of crazy, fun loving, daring side of myself that I was afraid to embrace. This other part of me scared me. She was too daring, she would take a risk, and what if she failed, what if I failed? I couldn’t cope with failure! Failure was scary, and it was not going to happen to me.
Only problem is, it was my fear of failure that was stopping me from succeeding. One of my biggest fears was allowing myself to ‘just be me‘. To let people see the real Mackenzie. This was linked in strongly with my writing, because if I allowed myself to write I was allowing people to see the real me.
It might sound strange to you, but to me writing this blog is one of the bravest things I have done. I have parasailed, ridden an elephant through the jungle, mountain climbed, swam with a stingray, but writing for me is by far the most terrifying. Why? Because it is me at my rawest, it is me being honest and open with the world. It is me sharing my deepest emotions in front of anyone who wants to read them.
Putting yourself out there for the world to see opens you up to criticism. It also allows people into your soul. It is one thing for me to bare my soul to people I have never met, but knowing that family, friends and acquaintances read it makes me more nervous. I was scared that it would change how people saw me, and obviously not in a good way. But maybe that was because deep down I was scared of who I would discover? If I let the inner me out, what if I didn’t like what I saw?
Writing, whether it is on a public forum or just in your own private diary, forces you to be honest, it forces you to really look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you like the reflection of yourself that is being revealed.
Sharing your writing allows others to see that reflection, hence this blog is a true reflection of me. Writing for me is comfort, but sharing it is not in my comfort one. Even now I still feel that way. Each time I hit the ‘publish‘ button I am nervous, I worry what will people think of me. I am still not living in my comfort zone when it comes to sharing my writing. But that’s OK! It is OK for me to push myself out of my comfort zone, and it is OK for you to do so also. I truly stand by the above quote everyday now. We are not living if we are not following our dreams, pursuing our passions because we are fearful of failure or what others will think or say.
This is our life to live! These are our dreams to follow!
Push yourself out of the comfort zone, live on it’s edge. Trust me, the risk of someone judging you, or you not liking what you find is not worth stopping you from living a fulfilled and happy life! If you have a dream follow it, live the life you wish for and you might even discover you like what you find out about yourself, I know I did.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx