Who am I?

A writer who is at a loss for words to answer such a complex question, when it feels the possibilities are infinite. We are so complex, shifting, evolving, learning…. in a state of constant change. Perhaps even confusion and trying to figure out who we once were, who we are in this moment and where we wish to go from here?

The irony is not lost on me that although words are what comes most naturally to me, like breathing, I really don’t know where to start, or even exactly what I want to say.

I have openly spoken on a couple of occasions in blog posts about my true first name not being Mackenzie. You may or may not have read these blogs, if you have then you will already be aware that I have struggled with wanting to use my name (most recently I wrote A Rose By Any Other Name), which in writing made me come to some realisations. The main one being that it is not about my name, it is about personal empowerment. Let me explain.

The reason I use a pseudonym is because of something that dramatically changed my life, changed me, and made my name something I feared to share. I guess like I said in that previous post I feel controlled to some degree and I want to claim my name because I am tired of having fear run my present and do not want it to control my future!

I have also mentioned in previous posts that Living Fearlessly Authentic is something that I encourage, and promote and although I have been nothing but myself on this blog, I still feel like I am not being Authentic enough when I am scared to use my own name.

I am tired of letting fear control me.

I am angry at myself, yet I also understand my choices and so I try to be gentle with my soul too. I think part of my soul was broken and I need to nurture that part of me and be understanding that I made choices based upon fighting for my life.

I feel afraid, but I also feel the time is now. I have also openly told you before that my name is Kylie, yet I have not changed anything on social media to represent this, everything is @macglanville and I still sign off every blog post with Mac or Mackenzie.

I am going to spend some time changing this. I am nervous, but empowered.

I feel that this change may impact my following as right now you can Google my pseudonym and plenty pops up, but I am not doing this for professional reasons, and my blog has never been about followers. My blog has been a journey for me of self discovery, healing, and trying to inspire others through my personal reflections to be true to themselves.

When I receive emails, comments, or insta messages saying that I have made a positive difference to someones life I know that this blog is making a difference. At times I have struggled to continue (mainly due to my anxiety), and yet you always inspire me to keep going because you let me know that my writing can make a difference. Early on I started taking some job opportunities through my blog, but I knew that wasn’t what I wanted for this space. I want this blog to be somewhere you can come and drink a cuppa and feel relaxed or inspired. I want it to be a space where you feel you can be honest. I want it to make a difference to those of you that are needing a change or to feel more authentic, and for myself I want it to continue to be a place where I can just write honestly from my heart.

I want to truly encompass Living Fearlessly Authentic.

So if you follow me on social media expect to see a change in my Instagram name and Twitter.

Thanks for letting me ramble on, I guess somehow the words come if I’m patient with myself.

So signing off a little different today.

Thanks for reading and reflecting with me, love, Kylie xx

MusingsOfATiredMummy