She loved the way the bathroom smelt, the freshness of the soap mixed in with the selection of creams her mother applied everyday. The humid air lingered from the hot shower, and the mirror was always foggy. She would perch on the chair and watch her mother apply these mysterious lotions to her face and body. She truly idolised her mum. Nothing gave her more joy than when her mum let her use her special soap to wash her own little face. Her mum would lather up the special Clinique soap and cover her little girls face before rinsing it off in a sink full of warm water. As a little child she believed spending time observing her mummy was the best thing in the world.
You have probably figured out I am talking about myself and my mother. My mum didn’t have much growing up, lots of siblings, a father who returned from the war, who loved her dearly, but was full of hurt and lost in many ways, a mother who was so overwhelmed she couldn’t always care for her children in a way that gave them security, or comfort. Meals didn’t alway appear, sometimes they had nothing at all.
It is easy to fault my Grandmother, to say she lacked a mothers touch would be an understatement, despite how much my mum needed her own mother, she just couldn’t be there for my mum. I don’t know exactly why, maybe I will never know. Like I said it would be easy to judge, we are all good at doing that until we walk in another shoes. No one taught my mum how to love her children, she just did, no one ever told her she mattered, or that she was strong, smart, beautiful, funny, resilient, or that she could be anything she wanted to be when she grew up.
Somehow though my mum survived, through poverty, through hunger, through cruelty, through being told that she was no good, or not smart enough, through living in a tent, and orphanage, through finding snakes in her bed, through being told she didn’t matter. She survived and she gave her own four children what mattered most in the world, a soft place to fall and hands to raise us up.
My mum turned 70 the other day. She had never had a birthday party, never! As a child there was no way she could have one, and for most of her adult life she didn’t really feel she was entitled to one. She has always doubted her worth, questioned what she deserved, she has always put everyone ahead of herself. This was her time to finally shine. This party wasn’t really about celebrating 70 years, it was about believing she deserved to celebrate her life for the very first time.
I know she still doubts her worthiness, but she is worthy, she is amazing, one of the strongest women that I know, actually she is the strongest women I know. I haven’t even began to capture here what she has been through and what she has overcome. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days when the mirror was all foggy so I could wipe it clear and get her to really see herself the way I saw her.
I wish I could tell her to stop worrying about the stretch marks, stop worrying about if a few lines were beginning to appear beside her eyes, to stop feeling like she is not smart, or not deserving, I wish I could look up at her and say ‘mummy you are the most amazing woman I know’. I wish I could take away her self doubt, I wish I could tell her that the future would be amazing, and that she need not worry.
I can not go back in time. What I can do is tell her all this now, and I can also tell my own reflection that the wrinkles I get mean I am alive, I am present, and that my future will be bright. I can lead by example to my own children, and I can tell my mum today that I am immensely proud to be her daughter. Because I am.
Welcome to this weeks #mg link up party!
#mg will continue to go LIVE each Monday, and if you are looking for an extra place to link up you can stop by again Thursday – Saturday to link up with me for #ablogginggoodtime
I know rules can kind of be annoying, but please follow them it makes it fair on everyone who joins in, thanks xx
Rules are as follows; one post per person please, please make sure you share, and comment on as many posts linked up as you can, after all that is what linky love is all about.
To be part of this link up you must at least comment on this post, the post linked prior to yours, and at least one other, thanks. When commenting and tweeting please use #mg and if you use @macglanville I will always retweet!
please also make sure you display my badge that is below, thanks xx
Thanks for joining me, love Mac xx
14 comments
This is wonderful. A very happy belated birthday to your mom, MG. So nice of you to do this for her. Every mom deserves to be treated in a special way. So happy to start my Monday with this post 🙂
This is the best post that a daughter could write for her mother. Your mom is blessed to have you as a daughter as much as you are to have her as your mom. A very belated happy birthday to your Mom. May God bless her.
What a wonderful thing to do for your mum. She looks so happy surrounded by people she loves and who love her.
This is such a lovely post. You mum sounds pretty special. I am so glad she finally got her day. It looks like you went all out too! #mg
Happy Birthday to your Mom! It is such a special post. I hope you have made your mom read it. So, glad that she finally got to celebrate her day with her full family.
What a beautiful ode to your Mum, Mac. She is truly blessed to have a daughter like you and you all are indeed blessed to have her in your life. She seems one heck of a woman.
I guess I needed to read this post, as I’m taking the earliest flight out to be with my Mum who is seriously critical. She has been a cancer survivor for over four years now. I don’t know how much time I have with her, but this post gives me impetus to celebrate the woman that she has always been to me and all of us.
Thank you for writing this. xoxo
Much love and blessings to you and your beautiful family and a big hug to your beautiful Mum.
What a lovely tribute to your mum! She sounds wonderful. And the party looks fabulous too, really beautiful x
#mg
That’s so beautiful! Women weren’t brought up back then to believe in themselves. It’s unfortunate but every single woman in my family going back generations have never thought of themselves as worthy. I’m so glad your mom finally got her birthday party:) #mg
Oh Mac, I can truly say that’s one of the most touching and celebratory posts I’ve ever read (in getting on for 4 years!). These are gorgeous pictures and I’m certain they’ll be treasured. Your mum looks like she’s having a ball here and so she should! Thanks for hosting #mg lovely.
This is such a beautiful ode to your mother! Her resilient spirit shines through in your post. And her birthday celebration looks absolutely delightful!
Happy Birthday to your mum Mac, she sounds amazing. Your son looks so much like her. And what a wonderful cake. Pen x #mg
So much joy in this piece!
And what a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman!
This is such a lovely post, your Mum sounds like an amazing woman. What a wonderful tribute! #mg
Thank you for sharing a glimpse into your life with us. It’s sad to read that she’d never had a birthday party before and what she went through. #mg
Comments are closed.