I stared at this quote for quite a while. It sat there on my screen and it just made me wonder whether I agree or disagree with it. There were other things I could write about, I didn’t have to choose this one. Yet it had my focus.
I often take part in Friday Reflections, in fact truth be told (and you would know this if you have followed my blog for quite a while) I was co-ceator of Friday Reflections. Myself and another blogger started it and now some other beautiful and very inspirational women run it and I am so grateful they took it over. Each fortnight they provide writing prompts and whoever wants to write on one of them can do so and share what they have written. Anyway my point is that there were 5 prompts this week, but one grabbed my attention, it was a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche, it reads
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
I can see what the writer is saying in this quote, friendship is so important in a marriage, truly being there for each other and showing each other support. I guess it depends on the exact definition of friendship. I believe a good friendship is based on mutual respect, to me a true friendship is full of trust and knowing that each of you have the others best interests at heart. But then isn’t that what love is?
For me friendship can not exist without love. Casual relationships and acquaintances can exist without love, but for me when I call someone a true ‘friend’ it is because I have love for them, I care about their happiness and well being. So for me friendship and love are intertwined, so if your marriage lacks friendship it lacks love. And if it lacks love then it lacks friendship.
For me marriage is more than a friendship though. Yes it has all the good ingredients a friendship has, love, respect, trust, caring, laughter, and fun. But it is a deeper love, for me it is also about passion and attraction, and an intimacy physically, spiritually and emotionally that goes deeper than it does with any one else.
I believe that a marriage needs love and it needs the elements of friendship, I believe these are intertwined and without both of these things a marriage would be unhappy. I also believe that we need to feel worthy of that love. We need to love ourselves and believe that we deserve happiness in order to have healthy relationship. What do you believe? What do you think of this quote?
Share you thoughts on friendship and marriage in my comments section.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
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The Friday Reflections prompt I chose was “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche Use this quote in a post or as an inspiration for one.
24 comments
I disagree with the quote. I think it is important to have a friendship with your spouse but there is so much more than that. I think the majority of marriages end because the passion, and the physical attraction, has gone and once you’ve lost that you are left with a friendship that simply isn’t enough? I have some wonderful friends and yet I wouldn’t have married them. I wanted a man who would sweep me off my feet, give me butterflies and love me in a way I never even knew existed. Love is so much more than friendship. Xx
I agree Laura, I also have amazing friends who I love, but with Steve their was an instant physical attraction. I think I would have lost that attraction if I didn’t love all the other things about him though.
I go with the quote. Here in our country, more marraiges are failing mainly because of lack of friendship. Friendship will give you intimacy and passion in the due course. This is my humble view.
It really is a balance I believe, thanks for sharing your thoughts
You nailed it Mac. I agree with you. M’wah! <3
Thanks Lisa M’wah back at you
I think relationships are more complicated than that quote because I think a marriage needs love, attraction and the elements of friendship. All three are linked and without them all I think a marriage will struggle. #anythinggoes
so true Claire!
Friendship is the foundation & then love can be based on it. I feel love is one step more than friendship.
great comment, thanks for sharing your thoughts xx
This is an interesting quote. I think that my partner is my best friend, no on knows me better and there is no one I trust more than him. I am also deeply and madly in love with him. I don’t believe, in my case, that love and friendship are separate. I believe with friendship comes love and with love comes friendship. #EatSleepBlogRT
I totally agree with you here
Ooh this is a bit deep for a Monday, my brain is not fully functioning I don’t think!
But I believe they are intertwined and a good marriage is a balance between the two. This means that if one starts to wane the other can compensate (for a bit) but ultimately for me they must both exist and when one disappears this leads to unhappy, broken relationships. #bigpinklink
It is uncanny how on the other side of the world is a woman who thinks almost exactly like me, LOL! I completely agree with this. Marriage needs both. I love my friends who I consider “true friends”. I care about them deeply but I wouldn’t marry them. I have a few male friends who I care about as a friend but I’m not attracted to them both physically and spiritually. I believe that with a lover, everything is so much deeper. When my ex husband and I got together, we were young and thought we knew what love was and that love was enough. We both fell for the classic fairy tale crap. We didn’t become friends until after we split 10 years and two kids later but the love and attraction needed to sustain the relationship was gone. Maybe I’m being selfish but I want to be in love with my best friend who I have the deepest, most profound connection with. Unfortunately, I have gotten pretty cynical about that and no longer believe that person exists for me but I also won’t settle for less. If he isn’t out there, that’s fine. I’d rather be alone and happy then with the wrong person and miserable. That part we might not have in common, LOL! Love your post though and I’m so glad that your husband is that person for you:)
I have many friends who say their husband is their best friend and I am always aghast at that. My husband isn’t. We are friends of course but we were lovers first and foremost and there are some bits of me that I don’t share with him but would share with a friend and the same for him. I would not, however, be complete without him. #bigpinklink
What an interesting question that I’d never thought too much about. The question I do often think about as a child of divorced parents (and not just divorced but actual vindictive, vitriolic hatred for one another) is how does it go from the point of wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person to wishing them dead. I will never understand. So yes, it would seem friendship is fundamental. Pete is definitely my best friend and since it will just be the two of us without any children, that’s hopefully going to keep us going for many years ahead X
I married my best friend. Don’t we all? Or am I just being naive? Friendship and true love go hand in hand, in my opinion. #AnythingGoes
I think that friendship is so so important in a marriage. When the kids are young and there is no time for each other and love seems a long way off, friendship is what carries you through. My hubs is my best friend but I also love him to bits. Thanks for joining us at the #bigpinklink
I agree with you that love and friendship are intertwined with each other in a marriage. You can’t have a successful marriage in my opinion without both of these elements and a good sprinkling of respect 🙂 #EatSleepBlogRT
I think marriage needs both love and friendship. I love her husband with all my heart plus we get on so well and can talk to each other about anything. #EatSleepBlogRt
Yes, friendship is definitely important! My husband and I were very good friends before we had even started dating. I don’t know why the media so often portrays the ‘friend zone’ as a bad thing! #eatsleepblogrt
Nietzsche, is fab! I always say my hubby is my best friend and I can tell him absolutely anything! It’s true, I mean I have my girlfriends too as we aren’t joined at the hip but we enjoy spending time together. It’s great and I wouldn’t change our relationship at all. We’ve been married for 14 years now! 🙂
I am so glad that you are enjoying each other and are so happy after 14 years. We are 14 years this year too
It’s an interesting thing to think about. I would interpret the quote slightly differently – not that Nietzsche was necessarily saying that it is more important to have friendship than love & that they can be mutually exclusive. My interpretation would be that he is saying that those who have friendship also have love, but some have love without friendship, and it is the lack of the friendship that is most important – love alone is not enough. I think that is probably true, if that is what he meant. Alternatively, if discussing them as two separate things, I would automatically assume that it meant the difference between those who have a friendship type of love (I agree with you – I think there would always be some kind of love with friendship), and those who have a passionate romantic love. In that case, I actually believe both can make solid relationships, and both can be not enough – I think it depends on the couple, their personalities, and what they need. #anythinggoes
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