When Aspen was little she lived in either her pink tutu, or her mermaid costume, she wished I had named her Ariel and she would sing songs from The Little Mermaid all day long.
“I want to be a ballerina mummy“, she would say whilst twirling around the house. I decided to look into dance classes for her. We didn’t have a local dance school that took ballet students as young as her so I found another one a 30 minute drive away. Our local one offers Jazz Ballet, but she said “no mummy it has to be proper ballet“. So each week I drove her to her new dance class where she got to feel like a real ballerina. My shy girl who barely left my side embraced this new class with pure delight even though the parents were not allowed to watch rehearsals.
She went on to become a gifted dancer, making audiences cry as she danced with such passion. But suddenly she lost that spark, she lost her love for dance a couple of years ago. I’ll admit I was sad, watching her dance was such a beautiful thing to witness. This is her life I had to remind myself, if she no longer wants to dance then that is her choice.
Earlier today I was talking to my children about out of school activities for next year as we had just received a renewal form for their art class they take. (End of year is coming so fast!) I asked Aspen what she would like to do, and if she was sure she still no longer wanted to dance and made a comment about how cute she was when she was a little dancer. Well the mood went from happy to, well teenage meltdown! Her tone changed as she told me she ‘hates’ when I talk about how cute she used it be because “obviously you don’t like who I am now!” I was completely thrown! (Now I should also insert here for those who don’t know she has been told due to a fractured spine that she can’t dance professionally ever again). She said “You know I can’t even dance”. I assured her I understood that, but that although she couldn’t dance at the level of some of her friends she could dance for fun in a non competition class with no pressure, but she got so mad at me.
At this point I am not sure if she was mad because she has the fracture? Mad because I apparently don’t like who she is now? Even though I tell her every day how much I love her and am proud of so many things that she does and who she is inside! Or is she mad because she just wants me to stop bringing up dancing, even though it was the first time I have brought it up in years? I don’t know, somedays I feel like I can’t win. I feel like I say the wrong thing more and more often lately. Then usually five minutes later she just wants me to hug her and sing to her the songs I sang when she was little. I am so confused. This mother to a teen life is not going to be easy.
My husband, who witnessed this whole scene, advised me that for the next 6 years, or so, I should just not EVER mention how ‘cute’ she was again! Maybe he is right. Maybe right now I have to just focus on the right now and keep my reminiscing to myself, or here on my blog.
I most definitely love who she is now, so what if she does not wear pink tutus all day, or pretend she is a mermaid anymore, yes those times were precious to me and hard to say goodbye to, but watching her grow up is the most beautiful gift I have ever been given. Watching her develop into an amazing, intelligent young lady makes me proud every day. The way she is so thoughtful to her friends and her younger siblings, the way she always offers to help out, and watching her paint and bake make me so proud. Maybe I just need to tell her that more often.
(at least she still paints mermaids, lol)
I am so proud of who she is now.
Together her and I will continue to grow and learn and find our way in this mother daughter teenage world. I would like to think it will be easier with daughter number two, but she is as unique as her sister so I am guessing I will be challenged just as much, if not more. 8 years ago I was told I may not live to see my daughters grow up, that I may not even see Aspen start school, so every day and every challenge is an absolute blessing.
For now I will continue to do my best, learn from my mistakes and love her through all the difficult times and all the fabulous ones we have yet to come our way . . .
Here are my favourites from this weeks #mummyshot community on Instagram, thanks to everyone who tagged us this week!
If you aren’t following these brilliant Instagramers then pop over and show them some love.
We’d love you to come and join us at #MummyShot too!
my favourite from mummy shot co-host Catie is;
My favourite from my own feed is this one;
Thanks for joining me, love Mac xx
Come and link up with me every Monday for #mg linky, any posts old or new welcome!
You can also link up with me every Thursday for #ablogginggoodtime.
Hope to see you!