When Aspen was little she lived in either her pink tutu, or her mermaid costume, she wished I had named her Ariel and she would sing songs from The Little Mermaid all day long.
“I want to be a ballerina mummy“, she would say whilst twirling around the house. I decided to look into dance classes for her. We didn’t have a local dance school that took ballet students as young as her so I found another one a 30 minute drive away. Our local one offers Jazz Ballet, but she said “no mummy it has to be proper ballet“. So each week I drove her to her new dance class where she got to feel like a real ballerina. My shy girl who barely left my side embraced this new class with pure delight even though the parents were not allowed to watch rehearsals.
She went on to become a gifted dancer, making audiences cry as she danced with such passion. But suddenly she lost that spark, she lost her love for dance a couple of years ago. I’ll admit I was sad, watching her dance was such a beautiful thing to witness. This is her life I had to remind myself, if she no longer wants to dance then that is her choice.
Earlier today I was talking to my children about out of school activities for next year as we had just received a renewal form for their art class they take. (End of year is coming so fast!) I asked Aspen what she would like to do, and if she was sure she still no longer wanted to dance and made a comment about how cute she was when she was a little dancer. Well the mood went from happy to, well teenage meltdown! Her tone changed as she told me she ‘hates’ when I talk about how cute she used it be because “obviously you don’t like who I am now!” I was completely thrown! (Now I should also insert here for those who don’t know she has been told due to a fractured spine that she can’t dance professionally ever again). She said “You know I can’t even dance”. I assured her I understood that, but that although she couldn’t dance at the level of some of her friends she could dance for fun in a non competition class with no pressure, but she got so mad at me.
At this point I am not sure if she was mad because she has the fracture? Mad because I apparently don’t like who she is now? Even though I tell her every day how much I love her and am proud of so many things that she does and who she is inside! Or is she mad because she just wants me to stop bringing up dancing, even though it was the first time I have brought it up in years? I don’t know, somedays I feel like I can’t win. I feel like I say the wrong thing more and more often lately. Then usually five minutes later she just wants me to hug her and sing to her the songs I sang when she was little. I am so confused. This mother to a teen life is not going to be easy.
My husband, who witnessed this whole scene, advised me that for the next 6 years, or so, I should just not EVER mention how ‘cute’ she was again! Maybe he is right. Maybe right now I have to just focus on the right now and keep my reminiscing to myself, or here on my blog.
I most definitely love who she is now, so what if she does not wear pink tutus all day, or pretend she is a mermaid anymore, yes those times were precious to me and hard to say goodbye to, but watching her grow up is the most beautiful gift I have ever been given. Watching her develop into an amazing, intelligent young lady makes me proud every day. The way she is so thoughtful to her friends and her younger siblings, the way she always offers to help out, and watching her paint and bake make me so proud. Maybe I just need to tell her that more often.
(at least she still paints mermaids, lol)
I am so proud of who she is now.
Together her and I will continue to grow and learn and find our way in this mother daughter teenage world. I would like to think it will be easier with daughter number two, but she is as unique as her sister so I am guessing I will be challenged just as much, if not more. 8 years ago I was told I may not live to see my daughters grow up, that I may not even see Aspen start school, so every day and every challenge is an absolute blessing.
For now I will continue to do my best, learn from my mistakes and love her through all the difficult times and all the fabulous ones we have yet to come our way . . .
Any Advice?
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17 comments
You’ve got to love a teenage meltdown. Hang in there, she’s only doing it because she feels safe to do so and knows she is loved. You’re doing a fab job. #ablogginggoodtime x
Love the photos, beautiful #ablogginggoodtime
Ah, yes. I have one teen daughter and another daughter who will transform into a teen in the next few days. No advice. I wish I did. They don’t stay mad for long. Usually hugs and “sorry” before the day is out. Like you, I do feel so grateful to be there for them as they grow. In a flash, they’ll be gone. #ablogginggoodtime
Oh darling it is so hard to understand those teen emotions but at least you are trying and your daughter knows unconditional love 💕
Golly – where to start commenting on this post?! Firstly I’m so sorry you had such an awful time 8 years ago and hope things are better now. Secondly yes teenagers can be so blinking moody (only as someone who works with them) that it can be tricky. Good luck and maybe your husband’s advice is to be heeded! #ablogginggoodtime xx
I think we would all feel the same in your situation. I’m not there yet with my girls, but I know the teenaged meltdowns will happen, just like the toddler meltdowns, and overtired school-ager meltdowns. Hang in there mama – you’re doing a great job. Obviously your daughter knows you love her unconditionally. Otherwise she would not show those strong emotions for fear of driving you away.
~Jess
#StayClassyMama
my thoughts are with you for what you went through 8 years ago! sounds like such a hard time- it was nice to read this and see how it turned out though and was lovely to read about the end. you’re a great mum. 🙂 #ablogginggoodtime
wish I had something helpful to say MG. Our struggles as my step daughter entered those years are well documented. All we can do is love them and try our best. All we can do for anybody I guess. I wish you luck and all the best
Oh, if there were an answer…. we are experiencing crazed meltdowns now from little… And I often feel just as you say, you cant win or lose… just hope your eardrums hold out. It no easy ride, but it is priceless. xoxo Big hugs Mac! #ablogginggoodtime xoxo
This is a lovely post. My daughters are still very young but I already look back on the earlier years with nostalgia. The mermaid painting your daughter did is beautiful. #ablogginggoodtime
It must be hard for you both. Her not being able to succeed at what she once was passionate about. Whereas we parents only want to see our children happy and knowing she once was so happy pursuing dance. There will be something that takes it’s place one day. #ablogginggoodtime
It must be so hard for her though. I get it from both points of you (doesn’t happen often) I understand you meant no harm when you made the comment about about her being a cute ballerina but from my own experience, once you have been dancing at a certain level and particularly when you are young, it’s really hard to settle for ‘just fun’. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama x
Such a fine balance isn’t it. I can see the whole conversation taking shape and how things go off at a tangent. Experience!! Yes, I’d be as confused as you as to whether it’s the dancing or ‘being cute’. Perhaps my daughter is a little bit younger but she is still relishing the bygone days and is all Year 6 ‘needy and loving’. Could it be a different story if you did mention it again, I wonder? These girls are a little hotch potch of emotions and hormones aren’t they. Stick with it MG and thanks for sharing with #tweensteensbeyond
I have no tips im afraid as little man is only 18 months but i hope you find a way to handle teenage-dom soon! #ablogginggoodtime
I can’t imagine what the teenage years will be like! I was a terrible teenager so I don’t hold out much hope… #ablogginggoodtime
Oh the trials, tribulations and joys of the teenager! It must be tough for Aspen knowing that she can’t dance at the level she once could. Her response could be down to her wanting you to start looking at her more as a young woman growing up than the little girl left behind. I can remember when my daughter was 13 she went through a period of getting so cross with my husband and I for treating her like a baby. We weren’t but in her mind we still saw her as little and young and she wanted and expected to be treated differently as a teenager. I am not sure if we have it completely right now but I do remember that conversation with her so clearly. Good luck. It can only get better. #TweensTeensBeyond
Well, it’s like walking on egg-shells a lot of the time! I have three teen girls and I have learned to be VERY careful what I say. They, on the other hand, seem to be able to say exactly what they want! I think the main thing is not trying to avoid annoying them completely because perhaps that is a necessary part of growing up. They need to kick against something so it may as well be us because they know we will always love them! It does get better, my eldest is 19 now and we are the best of friends! Thanks so much for sharing with us at #TweensTeensBeyond
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