Why are people so judgemental? Are we all just a bunch of grown up bullies sitting behind our laptops, iPads and phones making nasty comments? Are people so dissatisfied with their own lives that they have to bring others down?
Thankfully No! Not everyone is so awful, I have learnt that more than ever since starting my blog, that there are amazing, supportive and encouraging people out there! I have been overwhelmed with the positive comments and feedback I have received, so I know there are generous and open minded people in our world, thank goodness! What disheartens me though is some of the rudeness and bitchinesses out there in this world. I guess I foolishly thought that was over with high-school.
I recently read a gorgeous post a mum did on being a stay at home mum, it was funny and open minded, yet she received so many nasty comments about how ungrateful she is. Comments like “if you are going to complain about it, then make a different choice,” and “some of us don’t get to have kids, so don’t be so ungrateful!” They are some of the kinder comments. I was shocked, just because she might be complaining about not getting time to shower, or go to the toilet in peace, does not mean she is ungrateful to be a mother, just as a working mum might complain about not getting enough time to clean, it doesn’t mean she would want to give up her child or career. We all complain some days, well I do! It doesn’t mean we are not appreciative of our children, or careers.
I remember when I had my first born Aspen, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, she was all I had dreamt of my entire life, she was perfect, but she was exhausting. She was one of those babies that cried a LOT, she wanted to be held 24/7, she wanted to be on my boob all day and all night. She didn’t want to be in her bassinet, or her swing, hammock, pram, or even the hugabub, she wanted me to walk the halls with her constantly.
I went to sleep school, to feeding school, lactation consultants, the paediatrician, and the mother-baby unit to help her sleep better. She just wanted her mum! (Still does!) There was one night I was so tired, actually tired couldn’t even describe how I felt, I was more like a zombie, I started to cry, I just wanted to lay down, close my eyes and sleep for a few straight hours! I didn’t cry because I was tired though, I cried because I felt guilty (yep that Mummy Guilt gets you good), I felt so ungrateful, and guilty! I had suffered two devastating miscarriages before Aspen, I even stopped ovulating due to the stress of losing my unborn babies.
Eventually I got pregnant again, I nervously went through my high risk pregnancy, praying every single day that she would be born alive and healthy. She was, and then there I was that night crying because I felt guilty for wanting a few hours of sleep, how could I be so ungrateful? I beat myself up over the way I felt, I would do anything for my daughter, and I shouldn’t have felt guilty for being tired, for needing what a human needs to survive, sleep! Ironically when she did start sleeping for a few hours I would constantly be checking she was still breathing.
My point is, we all have moments where we complain about motherhood, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love or appreciate it! I may complain about never going to the toilet in peace, but I wouldn’t change being a mother for anything in the world. I think we should be supporting each other, and understanding each other, not cutting each other off at the knees. Why do people have to be so nasty? We beat ourselves up enough without others needing to jump in on it also.
I feel for women who are unable to have a child, I thought for a long time I was going to be one, I had 3 heartbreaking miscarriages, my angels I will never forget, I have several friends who had to go through IVF, others who adopted their beautiful children, but that does not give me the right to say I know how women who are unable to have children feel. I understand that we must look ungrateful, but believe me we are not, I do not for a minute take my children for granted, and I would go through those sleepless years again and again. I just wish we could all understand that we have moments where we are exhausted, and instead of attacking one another, we could offer to support and encourage each other instead.
So before you type a nasty comment, stop, think for a moment, calm down and ask yourself do I need to be so judgemental? I am all for saying your point, freedom of speech, for sharing opinions, and having an original point of view, but you can state your feelings or opinions without getting nasty. We have to remember we are an example to children and adolescents everywhere, we need to teach them how to express their opinions openly, but with respect.
If you don’t agree that’s fine, the world is a more interesting place because we are all so different, but it doesn’t need to get personal, and if an article, or blog offends you that much just stop reading it. I want to encourage people to feel free to be themselves, to be honest and authentic, I also want to inspire people to care for each other more. I support people’s choice to not have children, to not marry, to have careers, or stay at home with their child, I support that is our right to choose how we live our lives, whether we want one child or seven, whether we are gay, whether we home school, or send our children to private school, as long as we are not causing others pain, then we should be free to make the choice that is right for us and our families.
I am glad that through this experience of blogging I have seen many women at their best, there are some beautiful people out there! Please show your support for women to choose their own destinies by leaving a comment below. You can simply type “I support women”, or leave a comment in your own words.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
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Thanks to getty images for the bullying photographs
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