Vulnerability is beauty,
it is showing those around you your truth.
Nothing is more beautiful than being authentic,
than sharing the true you with the world.
Beauty is hidden within truth,
so allow your truth to shine its light and beauty on the world.
The people who care about you will be there for you, they will respect you and love you for making yourself vulnerable to them. I believe this, so why am I so afraid to make myself vulnerable sometimes? Why does vulnerability scare us so much? Maybe I am afraid that people will judge me, or maybe it is that I am scared that I will look like a fool? Will I bare my soul only to be left standing alone? Will I be the only one who feels this way?
I know that I am not alone. Whether others stand with me and say “I understand” or “I feel that way too”, doesn’t matter, because whether they say it or not I know I am not the only one who feels the things I feel. Yes every experience is unique and everyone feels things differently, but I am not the only person to have ever felt insecure or vulnerable.
Being a blogger who opens up about many personal things makes me vulnerable every day, yet still I do it. Is it scary? In the beginning it was terrifying, but now I am much more comfortable with vulnerability. But today I feel incredibly vulnerable. And if I am honest with myself it is not because I am scared you won’t understand, it is because I am not sure I am ready to feel what I am feeling. I am scared that if I make myself write about how I am feeling that I may start a flood of the emotion and fear that I am holding in. I know from personal experience that me holding onto things is not healthy for me. I know that sharing how I feel is the best choice, but today I want to protect my heart from opening up. My mind tells me that holding onto emotions and trying to burry them is the wrong choice. I feel like a Dam that is about to burst.
Nothing major has happened, we are OK, I am just mentally exhausted. I am worrying about things that I shouldn’t let worry me. But all these little things feel like they are building up. So I am going to list them and free myself!
- I am freaking out that my baby girl is going to high school next year, that the protected little primary school of kids and parents I know is going to suddenly be so huge!
- I am scared she will be bullied, I am scared she will start to really notice boys, I am scared she will have her first heartbreak, I am scared that strong friendships will break and shatter. I worry because these are the things she asks me about at night when I tuck her in and I reassure her all will be OK, that we will face whatever happens and not to worry unless or until it happens! (I am telling her it is OK and then I am going to bed thinking ‘oh shit how will she cope’?) And I know that she will, I know we will get her through it all, but still I am scared.
- Then I feel guilty because my son is driving me nuts with his cheeky behaviour, he is not listening like he used too and I feel bad when I get frustrated because I love him beyond words and I don’t want to feel annoyed with him.
- Then I am tired because I spent last week with migraines and poor Adam was home sick with one thing and now it is a new week and he is home sick with something else!
- Aspen also gets braces on her teeth this week and I am worried about that, what if she is teased?
- I am worried about people dressing as clowns and scaring innocent people, what is wrong with people? And how are nice clowns going to earn a living right now?
- I am mad at myself for worrying about things, I don’t want to worry about things it is a waste of time and energy!
- I am also mad at myself for being so self centred when people have way bigger worries than me!
OK that feels good to get that off my chest! I am letting worries get to me, but I am not going to let them hide in my head, even if some are ridiculous or superficial to me they are real, and they are on my mind. But by getting them out there I am not going to let my worries beat me down.
Being honest about our fears and feelings is not always easy. I know I am not alone with my fears about things, but I also know I can not let them get me down. Sometimes by making ourselves vulnerable we are giving ourselves the gift of being able to breathe again without the weight on our chest.
What are you worried about right now?
Can you relate to any of my fears?
Do you find it hard to be vulnerable?
Love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to share in the comments section at the bottom of this page.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
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