Sitting outside the cabin getting some fresh air, or smokey air if you count the smoke drifting off the fire, I’m under the shelter with a morning cuppa and it’s raining lightly. The dogs look more like wet muddy messes than dogs, and the cows are mooing in the distance. Quite simply I am happy.

I know life isn’t this simple though. I know my husband can not do his job from here and I would have to give up mine too. I know the kids need to be educated and can not simply learn about life from playing with our puppies in the rain, going on bush walks, collecting wood, drawing, or playing games around the kitchen table. Still the thought of going home makes my chest tight.

I feel like a child who wants to scream ‘it’s not fair!’ Being a grown up was supposed to mean we get to do what ever we want. We can eat cake for dinner if we want, we can stay up as late as we want and we can change the world! So why does it actually feel like I am suffocated by rules? I am not talking about the big rules like you can’t speed, or steal etc. I am happy to follow those, but it’s these kind of unspoken rules of society and the pressure to ‘be’ a certain way, or raise my children a certain way.

I have spent the last 4 years evolving and learning to like who I am, I am spent so much time pushing myself out of my former ‘people pleasing‘ comfort zone and being authentic. I have downsized, de-cluttered and practiced mindfulness all of which have helped me become closer to who I am craving to be, ‘my authentic self’! Yet still I am not living the life I want, or more to the point the life where I feel I can breathe out.

I don’t want fancy things, sure they’re lovely, but I want exactly what I have right here and now, simplicity. Why does it feel so hard to create a simple life? I feel like as a mum I am torn between what is the best life for my children. I can see the benefits of giving them a simpler life and yet I also want to best prepare them for a future that gives them choices to be whatever the want to be.

Is the grass always greener on the other side? Has anyone ever made a huge decision to change their life and their children’s lives? Did it work out, or did you regret it?

Mac xx

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What My Fridge Says