When we worry about something obsessively our friends or family might tell us just to ‘let it go!” But how, you might ask, how do I just let it go?
Worrying often involves the future, things we think, or predict are going to happen, we get a thought in our head perhaps,
“I know I am going to do a terrible job on this presentation,” or
“I know I am most likely not going to fit in with those people.”
When in fact we are not fortune tellers, we can not see the future, and even if we have had negative experiences in the past, it doesn’t predict the outcome of the same thing occurring in the future! When we worry we tend to partake in that thought, we react to it, and try to control it. We can obsess over a thought trying to plan a course of action to avoid a situation that worries us, or somehow control or manipulate its outcome. The problem with that is we waste so much time planning and worrying and it actually doesn’t change the eventual outcome.
A while ago I had a day where I over-scheduled myself, I didn’t want to let anyone down, so I over committed myself. I spent a good week worrying how I was going to get from one event to the other, ‘what if the first event runs over?’ ‘What if the traffic is bad?’ ‘What if I arrive late to the second event and let down this person who is counting on me?’ I planned my traffic route, I informed the person that I had a prior commitment and may run late, and I spent countless wasted moments of my life predicting what would happen. The truth is, other than me choosing to make the commitment, the rest was out of my control. I couldn’t control if the first event would go late, I couldn’t manipulate the traffic or the speed limit, I couldn’t predict the person’s reaction, no matter how much I worried it didn’t change the eventual outcome! Now ask yourself whether you are guilty of this too?
So instead of engaging in our worries we need to learn to let them go. Easier said than done, unless you are blessed with one of those carefree personalities, (lucky you, I’m seriously jealous,) others, like me have to work on this “letting it go thing!”
Letting go is about releasing your worries, not reacting to them or chasing them down, so just try to recognise that they are there, be aware that you are worrying and then allow the worry to be there without trying to change it. Just quietly observe it, even write it down, or say it out loud to yourself.
The next step is letting it go, but first you need to do is make the decision to let it go. This is trickier than you think for a reason you may not have been aware of.
We sometimes look at our worries as helpful, because we think if we didn’t worry about things we wouldn’t be motivated to do our best.
If we didn’t worry what to wear to a job interview we may not get the job, or if we didn’t worry about having a clean home we would live in filth, right? NO wrong. We have to plan what to wear to an interview, but we don’t need to worry endlessly about it, and we can still keep a clean home without worrying if it’s perfect and making sure there is not one stray toy in the hallway. Worries are not your friend and they are not helpful. A normal amount of worry is fine, if we lived without any worry we would walk down dark alleys in the middle of the night, but when we obsess over every day things, or things we have no control over, like traffic, then it begins to take away our enjoyment of the present moment.
Worries are not reality, they are thoughts, they are not truths, they are made up in our minds. We cannot predict the future, things are not black and white, if something doesn’t go as planned don’t see it as ‘it’s all gone wrong”, see what good you can find in the unpredictability. My son Adam was sick a while ago and not only was I worried about him, I also felt annoyed that it meant I couldn’t go about my day as I had planned, I couldn’t do the grocery shop, I couldn’t clean the house like I wanted, but once I let go of worrying about the things I “couldn’t” do I actually had a lovely day with my son. We snuggled on the couch, read stories and watched cartoons. Although my day was not as I predicted once I readjusted my attitude I actually had a nice time cuddling my baby boy. Worrying to the point of causing ourselves sleepless nights is not helpful and it is crucial that you realise that in order to let go of worrying.
Many people like to see their worries as a cloud floating over head, pretend you are laying on the grass watching the clouds, now picture your worries as if they are in those clouds and let the breeze take them away. Others prefer to visualize leaves floating down a stream. Perhaps you might like to picture butterflies flying away. You can use these visuals or one of your own to help you imagine your worries being taken away.
When we worry it takes our mind off enjoying the present moment, or even noticing what’s going on around us.
Try and bring yourself into the present moment, feel your breath entering and exiting your lungs, go on right now take a couple of big breaths in and out, feel your feet on the ground, or your body in the chair, listen to the sounds inside or outside the room. Maybe you can smell something, or just notice the silence. It is natural for your mind to wander, to start thinking about things you need to do, or worrying, just try to bring yourself back to the present moment, and remember that you can let the worries go, remember that they are not helpful to you.
So before you leave this page, just give yourself a moment to think of something right here, right now that you are grateful for, now take a deep breath and thank yourself for taking the time to do something nice for you.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
Come and Link Up with me every Monday through until Thursday. My #mg linky is open to anyone, all topics welcome.
19 comments
Worry is the thief of joy. Being present and aware of what you can and cannot control puts you in a much calmer frame of mind and helps you to enjoy all of life’s little pleasures.
Ah worry…my favourite friend and my worst enemy! Ironically, I enjoy working with anxious clients the most even though the ones with generalised anxiety are the hardest to work with. Just the other day, I was trying to challenge a 13 year old who worries about their death so often they don’t actually enjoy their life {they aren’t sick or anything…just worried about dying and want to live forever!}
This is a nice reminder Mac. It’s so easy to say that things are out of our control so there’s no point worrying, but sometimes harder to actually do. I’m sometimes good at letting go of worries, but not always. I am getting better at looking for the positives tho – like your day with your son. Snuggling and reading stories sounds like more fun than cleaning and grocery shopping anyway! #mg
Yes to this! ‘Worries are not reality’. I learnt some time ago that I was worrying about things that never actually turned out to be anything I needed to worry about. So now I try not to overthink things. I try to focus on the moment and not get preoccupied with future concerns. This post is jam-packed full of great advice. Alison x #mg
Great post-the idea that my thoughts were not facts really took me a long time to process but has really helped
I love the part about things not being black and white. I constantly feel that if something hasn’t gone as planned, it is all wrong! But that’s far from true and I need to be reminded about the things that did go right quite often 🙂 This was one of those posts that says something we all need to hear, from people we love, from time to time. I leave this post humming one of my favorite songs!
Worry is so troublesome isn’t it? I loved your angle – a right amount is probably healthy but anything more than that can be so self-destructive. Often the things we worry about the most turn out to be absolutely fine in the end X #mg
They say when you share your sorrow it reduces and so is worry, unless you let go of it you will never be free of it. very nice post.
Oh my you know me so well. I’m like you I can’t easily work with the analogy water off a ducks back. I am a human with a heart. #mg
It’s a really good idea to have visuals. They’re very useful in letting go of that worry. It can be such a time suck and of course can attract more than you bargained for… which can make you worry more. Definitely let it go… #mg
What a fabulous reminder! I am an over thinker and worrier but hubby is not at all and we tend to balance each other out. I like the cloud idea and will definitely try that out. #MG
Mac this is such a timely post for me. I am stressing about getting to grips with the technicalities of the new linky and in the meantime my eldest is home with me stressing about his mock A’levels. I have to keep going off to “breathe” whilst telling my son that everything will be fine and most of the stuff people worry about never actually happens. #mg
Once I realized that incessant worry really take you out of being present, I had to change my ways. You are spot on her Mac and letting go is so very healthy. Hard to do at times, and well worth the effort every time. What a great post and a great reminder to ‘just be’ and live in these precious moments. We don’t get them back! M’wah gorgeous! #mg
This is really great 🙂 Letting go, putting things down or leaving things behind is very important. It’s a really good thing to do as some things just hold us back.
They say a problem shared is a problem halved, just putting your worry out there always always makes me feel better and lessens the load. Really good post! #MarvMondays
Oh you are so right – worry is not reality! Taking time to take a few deep breaths and to think of something positive is just so good for the soul! I’ve been taking more time recently to do this after I attended a mindfulness workshop – it really helps I’ve been encouraging my children and my husband to practise it too. A lovely post, as always! #MarvMondays
I love this, thank you for the reminder. I had CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) for a while, and I got ‘diagnosed’ with a worry problem. It is so easy to think that worrying is a positive thing…if we are worrying, then it means we are more alert to potential problems. In actual fact though, it can hinder us massively and prevent us from seeing the brighter side of life!
#MarvMondays
I completely agree and love your point that worries are not reality, that they are not truths. Its really useful to remember that. I think the visualisation exercise is great (as a visual person) and will definitely give this a go when my worries next get the better of me! Great post, thanks for sharing it on #MarvMondays. Emily
I love this Mackenzie. I literally live to worry and I remember as a teenager even having lists of “things to worry about”. I totally agree that writing them down helps. I tend to worry about work a lot, even though I’m only there 2 days a week. I recently had an epiphany where I told myself that work wasn’t paying me right now and so I do not need to be thinking about it while I’m not there. That these are my hours and I’m allowed to think about what I like. I know it probably sounds crazy but it actually helped me to focus on the moment and stop stressing about my job on my non working days. I’ll be back to read this again lovely. It’s like receiving a virtual hug as your posts so often are. Xx #marvmondays
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