Are you living with regret?
Take a moment and ask yourself these questions. Perhaps jot down the questions and when you have a quiet few minutes write down your thoughts and responses.
Do you have any regrets?
Do you let your regrets hold you back, or do you use them to empower you to change?
Once you are aware of what your regrets are, does this help you see how you can now make different choices in your life now, and going forward?
Regrets are normal, many of us have them. In some ways I don’t regret anything because as I say to anyone who would ask, “if changing the past meant changing where I am now then I wouldn’t change a thing!” Why? Because no matter how much pain and hurt I have been through it has made me stronger, it has empowered me, and I am so happy with my life right now because of the choices I’ve made due to what I have been through.
But if I could still be the person I am today, and where my life is at now, then YES I would absolutely change my past! I went through some horrible things, incredibly painful things that no one deserves to go through. If I could go back and know then that choices I made were going to put me in such danger then of course I would change that.
But that’s the thing, my life would have taken a different course. The things that I regret have shaped me, have made me into an empowered woman. I am proud of myself for the positive changes I have made in order to be safe and to find love and happiness. Life experiences shape us, I know they shaped me. I truly believe that if we allow our pain and hurt to become a positive force rather than a negative force in our lives then what we went through is less of a regret and more a painful memory that we can begin to let go of. What do you think?
If we learn from past mistakes, regrets and hurts, then we have a chance to turn our lives around. Some things that happened to us were out of our control. A lot of what happened to me was out of my control, but not all of it. Still I do not blame myself for what happened to me, I know I don’t need to own someone else’s choices. I didn’t always know that, but after many years of fear, and even self loathing, I figured it out.
Although we are not always in control, the good news is there is so many things we can control. And when we become aware of those things, those choices and experiences that are in our control, we become empowered and we also become more aware of how to avoid future regrets!
Being aware of our control is the first step towards personal empowerment. We have the choice to walk away from toxicity, we have the choice to change our life’s direction if we don’t like where we are headed. We have the power to make ourselves happier!
Some of the biggest regrets people have include.
- not following our dreams of a career, or travel.
- working too hard and missing out on seeing our children grow up.
- not letting go of petty arguments.
- not leaving toxic relationship sooner.
- not allowing ourselves the freedom to be happy.
- not spending enough time with parents or grandparents whilst we had the chance.
- not seeking help earlier with issues or problems.
- not looking after our physical or mental health.
- hanging on to hurt and disappointment.
- not following our passions.
- thinking only more money or power would make us happy.
- putting material items before quality time spent with loved ones.
Do any of these sound familiar?
One thing about about holding on to regret is it can cripple us if we don’t allow ourselves to learn from it and then give ourselves permission to let it go. When we hold onto our mistakes then we feel we don’t deserve happiness, we punish ourselves and no one benefits from that. Not only do we feel lost and down, but others around us feel that way too. If someone hurts me I don’t want them to keep hating themselves for it, I want them to learn from it, work on themselves, improve themselves and be a better person, otherwise they will just hurt someone else.
Yes we make mistakes, but everybody does, learning from them and forgiving ourselves is the only way to move forward and be truly happy. Don’t let your one big regret be that you didn’t allow yourself permission to be happy.
Our past does not have to define us, choose to learn from it, choose to make better decisions now based on what the past has taught you. Our past teaches us, it does not control us.
Forgive yourself for not making better decisions in the past, and start looking after yourself better now! Give yourself permission to seek happiness.
They key to happiness is living an authentic life, finding balance between fun, family, work, rest and health. Having good, healthy relationships, connecting with others, and being kind to yourself. Keep this in mind and start to make some positive changes today.
You truly do deserve to seek happiness!
What are your thoughts on this topic? Can you forgive yourself for past mistakes? Have you?
Do you openly seek happiness, and know that you deserve it?
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie
40 comments
I love saying that I have no regrets. I may have some but it doesn’t last long. There is no need to do so because it doesn’t change anything anyway. Once something is done, it’s very difficult to change it #mg
and well done for being featured on #overthemoon. I love this linky x
oh thank you lovely xx
hahaha, back with #FartGlitter, following the rules. It says comment on the post before yours…
Seriously, you must be stalking me because you are also the previous post on #bigpinklink !!!! LOL
Thank you for the link party and for the great post. Regret and happiness have invaded my focus in the past year. I guess it is the midlife transition. What I have found difficult is changing my inner voice to a more positive one, but this change was definitely worth it. Of course, I am still transitioning so I still find myself fighting old battles in my head, and that involves dealing with regret…
it is very difficult to change that inner voice, but not impossible. Glad you are making a positive change xx
I’d like to say that I have no regrets but I do. I don’t dwell on them because I don’t like the negativity that brings and try my best to live in the present and stay positive. #mg
Another lovely and thought-provoking post. As my mum would say, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. It’s so great that you can look at the bad things that have happened and see how they have shared you now.
Oops sorry forgot the #mg
I have only one regret in life, that is choosing the university course I had… If I’ve only listened to my mum’s advice, my career would have been better. But then if that changes what I have now, then never mind cos I love my family more than anything in the world…. Lovely post, very inspiring! #mg
We all have regrets Mackenzie but you are right in that we have to let go of them otherwise they will cripple us. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but even if life hasn’t always gone our way, we learn from the bad as well as the good times and are better and stronger for it. Thanks for the link up! #mg
I’ve often regretted things but then there’s no point having regrets either as you can’t change what has happened. My first marriage was a regret but then I wouldn’t have my daughter. #mg
Lovely post – there are some things in my past that I would of maybe liked to have done different but I agree that my life could be completely different now if I had. I honestly love my life. #mg
Thought provoking. I try not to dwell on the past as it has a habit of eating you from the inside out. There is no point in regret, just learning from experience and moving on. xx #bigpinklink #mg
Love this. I try to life without regrets and remember that I did something at the time for a reason. Often hard but I just see regrets as such a futile thought process #bigpinklink
Oh I literally could write an entire essay in response to this – I think from reading these reflective posts of yours that we have a very similar outlook. I too have been through things I wouldn’t wish on anyone but with each year I find greater happiness and more peace. So I agree that I wouldn’t change what I’ve been through because it’s made me the person I am and that is someone who is just very happy, pretty much all of the time. We all have the power to change our paths X #mg
Sometimes it’s easier said than done but on the whole living without regret is a work in progress. Trying to think of what has gone right instead of what went wrong or not to plan.
Letting go of regret, things we cannot change, or things we wish never happened is so important. Life alone carries with it so much weight. As long as we live, love and learn from regret, we are all better for it. Like you said, we woudln’t be who we are today without the journey that got us here. And sometimes the journey was sucky-doodle, and sometimes just fabulous. Thanks Mac! #mg
I have found that when I hold on to regret it just keeps me from moving forward and making positive changes. You can’t change the past. Great reminders in this post. Thanks for sharing with #overthemoon
Yay! for being chosen as the featured blogger in the Over the moon link party, Mac!
I just saw you picked my post from last week – thank you! Honored!
Regrets – the one thing no human being can avoid or live without. There’s always an “if only…” lurking in our hearts. I remember around the time I was 14 I decided I’d title my book “No regrets” Funnily enough, I was going through some old stuff a few weeks ago and came across the stack of papers where I’d started writing 🙂 I agree that our past need not define us. It is a waste of time to dwell over the shouldaves and couldaves, learn from the experience and move on. Our energy is better spent that way. Hugs. I so appreciate you giving me the heads up via twitter. Somehow I kept thinking today’s Sunday! ♥
Love this post. You are so right and my mantra is that I do not have regrets as I would be a different person but when we dig deep I guess there are honestly some things we would have done differently- always easy to say with a ‘retrospectoscope’ as my work colleague used to say! Thank you for another though provoking post #mg XX
I think we all live with regrets (no matter how small) but it’s up to us how to deal with those regrets. We all have things we’d like to change but usually that change would alter either ourselves or our lives… and all in all I’m pretty happy with me and my life.
I have sooooo many regrets, that I literally feel that they will eat me alive sometimes. I have the rational side of my brain that knows it’s futile, because there’s absolutely no way any of them can be changed, but the irrational side of brain seems ridiculously more powerful, and I find I can waste much of every single day dwelling on, and panicking over regrets. It’s gotten to the point where I think I need help to overcome this, because I know that everything you’ve said in this amazing post is true, but I just can’t get my mind to put it into practice! I often feel like I’m living in a never ending cycle of frustration, panic, and regret, and feel useless to change it, so I think seeking help is the best way to go. Thanks for another fabulous post-you are the voice of calm and reason!
#bigpinklink
I feel the same way as you do Mac! I do have regrets but I use them to learn from my mistakes and as much as some of those mistakes I would love to go back and change, I know I wouldn’t have learned the lesson I needed to learn at the time. As for the horrible stuff that happened to me, Like you, it made me stronger. For while it made me angry and bitter but once I worked through that, I was able to see the bigger picture and accept that it shaped who I am today and I’m very proud of the person I’ve become. Sorry I won’t be linking up this week. This summer has been so weird for me in terms of camps and now they’re over, kids are home and my schedule is all off. Can’t wait for school to start so I can get back on schedule, LOL! For now though, I’m going to enjoy the last two weeks I have left spending it with my boys. See you in September:)
Really important to try and let go and be ok with those things we regret. It’s tough at times but the only way to live is in the present, so that the future is the best it can be! #bigpinklink
I would have loved to have travelled more. But that is my only regret…. and there’s still time. Sarah #mg
Wonderful post. My only regrets stem from not listening to my instincts which I think I have finally learnt to do! #bigpinklink
Oh gosh this made me really emotional Mac, I have just one huge regret in life and that shall always be that I couldn’t keep Joseph safe. It’s a regret that I live with every single day and have battled with over the last decade. I really wish that I could let it go but I think it’s very difficult when it’s something so huge, a part of my life that actually…changed my whole life entirely. Other regrets, I refuse to eat away at me, I don’t regret one single thing other than the pain I caused to others through my darkest times. Really thought provoking post, I so wish I could let mine go. #mg
Forgive yourself and move on – totally agree. There are so many good points in this powerful post. I don’t really do regrets, because I am am a firm believer in moving on and not being defined by our pasts. I like your comment on ‘if we allow our pain and hurt to become a positive force rather than a negative force in our lives then what we went through is less of a regret and more a painful memory that we can begin to let go of.’ Yes agreed. So many people can’t let go of things that they found difficult in their past and it negatively affects their present relationships and lives in general – what a waste of a life. Easier said than done, but so worth striving for. Alison x #mg
Hey MG,
Another awesome post. Thanks for coming out with a great checklist. Pinning it now. It triggered my mind for a post which was in my min but needed a spark. Thanks again.
Sometimes I fret about what has been or gone but I’m happy to say for the most part my past ‘mistakes’ have led me where I am now and I wouldn’t change that 🙂
#fartglitter
Another brilliantly and thought provide post. I have regrets but nothing I spend any time dwelling on or anything like that. Just decisions I made in my past that I wish I hadn’t or things I wish I’d done differently. Ultimately though I’m glad these things happened as I wouldn’t be where I am now without them and I have learnt from them as well. Great read xx #mg
I’ve been through bad relationships and hindsight has made me question why I didn’t get out sooner. Worked in places that haven’t suited, while feeling others have got away with things and I’ve been swimming in a different direction to others. These things have led me to where I am now and I’m happy with the gift of the present.#mg
Hey MG,
Linked you up here- http://lifethroughmybioscope.com/why-i-regret-what-i-cannot-control/
Thanks for the prompt.
I think the topic of regret is such a good one and so important for each person to address within because letting them go removes little blocks to our happiness. I like the way you put it – that holding onto regrets cripples us. So true, and it makes me also think that holding onto the past in anyway in which it pervades our consciousness, blocks us from fully enjoying the present. I’m so glad to have found your blog – cheers!
I like your list I think I could chose some of them as my regrets
Such a lovely post Mac. There are things I regret completely, but mostly silly things, like speaking out of turn or letting slip something I shouldn’t. Everything else on the other hand I feel I’ve rolled with, I completely live by the statement ‘if changing my past changes my future, I wouldn’t’ Because I feel so lucky to be where I am now, I couldn’t imagine regretting something that’s lead me to the life I have now. Everything does lead to something better and that’s the beauty of life. Although of your list of things people may regret, the last two and the third one I definitely, not regret, but worry about. But I think that’s about me needing to balance life a little more. A beautiful post Mac, we shouldn’t regret, we should forgive our mistakes and move on from them x
Love this post Mac! It’s very good for me to read at the moment. xxx
I’m not sure I do have any regrets. I kind of think everything that happens makes you who you are and I am happy with my life at this point, so I can’t regret what got me here. Thanks for linking up to #TheList xx
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