I am not a perfect mum, and I don’t care if you are either! In fact I’d rather you not be, because if you are then ‘the perfect mum’ exists, and that would scare the crap out of every mum everywhere! The only thing that keeps me from being consumed in ‘mummy guilt’ is the thought that other mums are screwing things up as much as I do! They are right?
Did you know that the urban dictionary defines mum guilt as “guilt a mother feels anytime she takes time to do something for herself, outside of work, that does not involve her children.” Actually I think Mum Guilt actually could be defined by way more things than that! Can I just point out that I did type in ‘dad guilt’ and the Urban Dictionary said ‘they don’t have a definition for that’, which kind of sucks as dads do feel guilty too. For the sake of this post I am writing from my own perspective as a mum, but believe me I know dad guilt is just as real.
Do I consider myself a good mum? Yes I do. I feed them, clean for them, listen to them even when they are boring me by naming every Pokémon that exists, that’s like over 800 by the way! I hug them, I put Band-Aids on cuts that are so tiny I can’t see, I clean up vomit, and I love them so much my heart feels like it may burst!
How can we ever define the perfect mum anyway? We all have different thoughts on how to raise our children, so what one person would define a perfect mum as, the next person wouldn’t. There is some that believe we should home-school, some who believe private school is the only answer, then we have co-ed, or single sex schools. We have some who believe religious teaching is at the top of the list and others who don’t believe in religion. We have those who believe kids should play in the dirt and others who wipe every surface down with hospital grade disinfectant. Some mums believe they should be home with their kids, and others who believe working is the best example to set their children. You can’t win!
So why do we become so consumed with mum guilt? No matter what our beliefs are we want to do better than our best! We love our kids and we don’t want to screw them up. We don’t want them to miss out on things we wish we could have experienced. We want to protect them from the things that hurt us. We want them to experience the joy of the things we found joy in. I’m guilty of this, we all are. Then we also want to have some time for us that isn’t all about them, but we brought them into the world so we feel responsible to do everything for them at all times. We don’t ever want them to feel we are not there, or that they aren’t our priority, we never want to see them sick, hurt or sad, we want to protect them from everything! But we can’t, so we feel we fail them over and over, and we feel guilty. Yes it is a vicious cycle. It seems no matter how much we get told not to feel mum guilt, we still do!
So can we ever really shake off mum guilt? Maybe not? Maybe it is the thing that keeps us looking after them, like some deep primal animalistic instinct? The mum guilt makes us strive to do the very best we can. After all we want our genes to carry on, it is our basic instinct. But gosh it can feel awful feeling guilty all the time, surely we don’t have to put up with beating ourselves up over our so called “mummy imperfections”?
Anyway I am just thinking out loud here. I don’t have the answer, but what I think is maybe a little mummy guilt is OK if it makes us good mums, but we have to have our own definition of what makes a good mum and stop the ridiculous comparisons with every other mum. We especially need to not compare ourselves with the portrayal of mums on commercials, or those who only ever post on social media the perfect posed photos with their toned bodies, and their pristine homes, and pristine child in their designer outfits and the perfect quote that accompanies these images about how magical every moment of motherhood is. Don’t get me wrong motherhood is magical! I feel completely blessed with my life, and I love pretty Instagram feeds, I even post pretty pictures, but I am not going to try and live up to those unrealistic standards and neither should you.
So where to go from here? Be yourself, have realistic expectations of yourself and of parenthood, know that perfection really doesn’t exist, love your kids, love yourself. If you believe that parenthood is getting on top of you then seek help, you don’t have to do it all alone. We need to be supporting one another instead of competing with one another, and being bitchy. Surround yourself with other parents that aren’t so judgemental and be open minded about the way others raise their families. We don’t all have to fit one mould to be described as good parents.
Just love your kids, and be happy to hang out with other mums and have a laugh about our parenting imperfections, after all, we all have them.
Love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
You can also link up with me every Thursday for #ablogginggoodtime.
Hope to see you!
25 comments
Oh hunny I Embrace My imperfections tightly! They are what make me me. I’d hate to be a stepford mum. I feel guilt, too much of it sometimes but as long as my kids know I love them unconditionally I don’t think I can do much better than that!
I agree that we all need to embrace our imperfections a bit more. It can be so hard because we only want what’s best for our kids, and it’s easy to get down on ourselves when we feel like we’re falling short. But no one can be the perfect mum all the time! #ablogginggoodtime
I figured out how to get rid of the mum guilt… for me at least.
My sons are 12 and 10 now, and when I look at them, I see two amazing young men, and I raised those boys, so I *know* deep down that the parenting I’ve done over the last 12 years has been enough. More than enough! It’s helped me put mum guilt to bed completely over the last year or so! <3 #ablogginggoodtime
I have learned never to compare myself to other mums. We all have our own ways of doing things and our own problems to deal with. There is always so much to feel guilty about – but just stop sometimes and enjoy it all. I know it’s a cliche, but it all goes so fast.
#blogginggoodtime
My partner always tells me if you are worrying that you aren’t being the best mum to your child then you already are the best mum. Mum guilt is a massive thing for me but as long as my baby laughs smiles and has all the necessities that is the main thing their happiness. Forget all the crap that makes us perfect. #ablogginggoodtime
I don’t think it just applies to mums!! We try to be perfect people period, like wives, and daughters, etc….and it just can’t be!!
I think I’ve been much more happy knowing I’m not perfect and I don’t have to strive to it!!
XOOX
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
#ablogginggoodtime
Such a refreshing post! Pardon my French but screw the perfect mums and their toned bodies. They’re all probably sucking their stomachs in anyway 🙂 Now seriously, thank you for writing this. I believe guilt is par for the course in the motherhood journey and like you say it helps keep us on our toes. But it’s time to let go of the unrealistic expectations and to embrace our imperfect side because that’s what makes us human and our kids will ultimately appreciate us more for that. #ablogginggoodtime
It’s hard, isn’t it? Funny, I just wrote and linked up a post about being a perfect mom as well. No one is perfect, right?
#ablogginggoodtime
Imperfections if you can call them that make us who we are. As long we do our best for our kids we are never wrong. Perfect doesn’t exist. Neither does normal (while I’m at it). #ditchthemumguilt
My imperfections are definitely what makes me… well, me! None of us are the same, and nor should we be! Love this post. xx #ablogginggoodtime
Love this! We all have different ideas of what the perfect mum is, and yet no-one can reach their version of it. I like that you’ve been able to turn mum guilt on it’s head too and use it as a positive – it drives us to do our best and keep striving to be the best we can be #ablogginggoodtime
What? There’s a perfect mum? Don’t think so. I really don’t think we should be striving for something that doesn’t exist. A bit like those airbrushed photos of models and celebrities – even they don’t exist – they can only exist through airbrushing!
Stay strong. You’re doing a great job.
E x
#abloggingoodtime
Yes – none of us are perfect – and wouldn’t it be boring if we were! As long as the children feel loved – that’s the main thing. Unfortunately ‘mum guilt’ can be all-consuming if we’re not careful! xx #ablogginggoodtime xx
You had me in giggles reading this. Yes the perfect mum doesn’t exist but I agree it could be tied up in the primal instinct of caring for our little ones. As for the schooling aspect i’m wondering whether to start teaching letters, numbers etc to my eldest, am I too late or should this all be left to school? #ablogginggoodtime
The perfect mum doesn’t exist. I think you are being perfect by even trying to be. I think being the best mum you can is as perfect as it gets x #mondaystumble
Well Mac, I think the perfect mom knows intrinsically, that there is no such thing as perfection. In fact, she makes sure her kids know that too, because the only way to fall from perfection, is down. Lovely post. We all do struggle so… <3 #familyfun xoxo
Popping in from the #mondaystumble lovely!
#thesatsesh hmm intersting, i kinda disagree – i know this is going to sound ‘picky’ but I think we are all enough. I am enough, I am doing my best, I always look my best (even in pjs with the boyfriends hoodie on and messy bun lol), I deal with situations as I see fit at the time and all of this makes me perfectly me. The reason I feel the need to be ‘picky’ is because I think rather than come from a ‘nobody is perfect’ is throws a shadow over the situation – but I am enough seems more empowering.
Mum guilt is awful and it gets us all. I try not to let it get to me, but every now and then it creeps in. I just try to remember that my kids are happy and healthy so I must be doing something right.
#FamilyFun
Mum guilt is one of those awful ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ parts of parenting. Every single decision we make seems to come with some form of guilt. At the end of the day, as long as you love them and show them that, that’s all that really matters.
Thank you for joining #FamilyFunLinky x
I’m glad the perfect mum doesn’t exist too and yet somehow we all still strive to be her.
Just popping back from BlogCrush because someone loved it so much, they added it to our linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush
This is a great post for mums who are feeling bad or inadequate. Thank you for this inspiration.
Nice post. One of my best advice for parents in turbulent teen years is not to beat yourself up when you make mistakes – which you will cos you’re human. #MG
It’s natural to compare, but we all must learn how to handle comparisons. Instead of crippling us, comparisons should motivate us. We’re all human though and sometimes it’s easier to take things to heart and let mum guilt take-over. I’m definitely not perfect, I’m not too happy at the moment either, but I’ve realised it and am making steps to change it. It’s about owning your feelings and doing something about it rather than moaning I guess. Excuse the rant, I’m a hormonal mess as I’m currently at the end of breastfeeding my 8-month-old and I’m all over the place! #ablogginggoodtime
Mummy guilt is something we all are guilty of. We are tuned in a manner to feel guilty in whatever we do. Lovely post.
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