Lately I have had to live more authentically than ever, I have had to share parts of myself that I really haven’t felt ready to share. There is nothing that leaves you feeling more raw and vulnerable than letting people see you at your lowest point. When you completely reach a point where you can no longer smile and say “I’m fine”.
I haven’t been fine, and I am not fine. Part of me is broken. Just when you feel you have everything under control (as much as we can control life), I have felt the ground shake beneath me. It is never easy to explain how you feel when anxiety takes a turn from being a healthy part of life that protects you, to a part of your life that makes you feel fear, that in reality doesn’t exist. Anxiety is different for each person, for me recently it feels like a dark shadow creeping up my throat and gripping my neck, making it feel like it hurts to breathe.
It is hard to write this, to be this honest, I mean let’s be frank as far as we have come as a society, stigmas still exist and judgements are still made, but the truth is I don’t see myself as weak, I see myself as strong. I am suffering an illness just like billions of people suffer different illnesses! It is hard, I mean if you really want to know, it is more than hard! What it takes to battle this illness is more strength than you can imagine. Contrary to what some believe it is not something you can just snap out of, and it is not something you can get over by going on a weekend getaway. If only . . . . . . . . .
What I know is I am so blessed, I am so in love with my life, except for this illness! I don’t need anything, I am not lacking anything, I am just not well. I also know I am a fighter, fighting an illness. I am strong, and even when everything in me is screaming for these feelings and fears to go away, even when my body wants to shut down, I will keep fighting.
It will take all of my strength to hit publish on this, and if you are reading this, then know that I am doing it because I promise my readers that I will be fearlessly authentic! There are Key words there FEARLESS and AUTHENTIC. I can only do that by facing one of my biggest fears and that is speaking my truth, I am not well.
I know some will not understand, I know many of you have been through, or are going through what I am going through. I know that no matter how people choose to judge me, that it is only by being authentic that I can help others live with authenticity. We all fight our battles. I know I am not alone, and I hope whatever battle you are fighting now, or in the future, you will know that you are not alone either.
This is me, raw, honest, anxious and fearlessly authentic.
I am always grateful for all of you that share your authentic moments, both happy and hard with our Fearlessly Authentic Instagram Community. If you don’t know about this community it is a space where you can share any real life, authentic moments in your life on Instagram simply by tagging #livingfearlesslyauthentic on your pics. Each month I share my favourites here at Reflectionsfromme.com and will notify you on Instagram.
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Thank you for reading this today, if you know anyone who suffers anxiety feel free to share this with them, Mac xx