I’ve been thinking about what makes a good friendship. How do you actually know if someone is a true friend? And what qualities are truly important in friendship?
- Trust! This is a must, if you don’t trust someone, or they don’t trust you, then I wouldn’t consider them a good friend. Trust is essential!! Sometimes people we love can make mistakes and trust can be broken, sometimes we can repair that trust. But if trust is a long term issue, then maybe this person isn’t a good friend to have around.
- Good Listener. Listening goes both ways in a friendship. It is all about give and take. At times your friends will need you to be the listener, and at times you will need them to listen to you. If a friendship is too one-sided have a think if this really is the kind of friendship you want to fully invest in?
- Laughter and Fun times. OK so first of all we all know life is not always full of good days, but with friends we need to be able to laugh, have fun and make wonderful memories.
- Hard times. Are they there for you when you are going through hard times? Are you there for them? If they were going through something terrible would you devote a good amount of time to listening to them, or going out of your way to support them? And ask yourself honestly, do you think they would do that for you? Friendship should never be all one sided. If you take, and take from someone, but never give, then maybe you just don’t care enough about this person and you should cut them loose? On the flip side if you give and give, and yet when you need them they seem to be too busy, or just unavailable, are they really the friend you thought they were?
- Can you be yourself around this person? Β To me this is the huge question!
OK so take a moment now and picture your friends. Perhaps make a mental list, or write a list of people you consider good friends.Β
Ask yourself these, “when I am around Β ……………… can I truly be me? Can I be totally authentic? Do I try too much to impress this person? Do I have to try too hard to feel liked by this person? Am I always going out of my way to help this person, and they don’t do the same for me?”
“Am I taking advantage of this person’s friendship? Do I really enjoy this person’s company? Are they taking advantage of me? If I had to name the people who were really there for me when I went through a tough time, would I list this person? Would I trust this person with a secret? If they told me a secret would I keep it to myself?”
This fab photo was shared by @ethannevelyn. With #livingfearlesslyauthentic
There is a saying that I am sure you have all heard of, or read before
This quote is just so true, we do know what to do, if we just allow ourselves to be honest. It is tempting to try and hang onto friendships that have clearly ended, that no longer serve a purpose in our life, or that are hurting us. It can be hard to let go, especially if this person remains in our lives through others. But sometimes we need to accept that having this person in our life is actually causing us hurt, and heartache. If you are desperately trying to hold on, or please someone and they are not doing the same, then let them go. Set both them and yourself free. You can still be polite when you see one another, and say hi, but don’t go out of your way for someone who is clearly not there for you any longer. If it is not obvious then have a chat with them, maybe you are misreading signals, or they are just extremely busy? If they have been a great friend in the past then be honest with them about how you feel. As hard as it can be though, sometimes friendships do end, and that is OK! We move on, we make new friendships, and we learn along they way. Each person teaches us something, if we open our eyes and hearts we will see that.
Ask yourself again. Can I be my true self with this person?
Can I be fearlessly Authentic?
………open your heart, and find the answers. Life is too short for crappy friends, let’s celebrate the great friendships we have!
And now it is time to share my absolute favourite photographs that were shared with my Instagram hashtag this week #livingfearlesslyauthentic. .
Top left was shared by @intrepidbebe.
Top right is shared by @the_mum_project.
Bottom left is shared by @surrey_mama.
Bottom right was shared by @_four_diamonds_by_the_sea.
Thank you to everyone who has been tagging their photos with #livingfearlesslyauthentic, I am just thrilled with how many of you are joining in and sharing your lives with me, and each other. You inspire me everyday.
Thanks for joining me, love Mac xx
20 comments
You know the listening part is so important. There are very few who can be those friends because everyone seems to be caught up in themselves.
I don’t think I have many friends who fit the bill except one or two. But that could also be because of me. There must be some flaw in me too.
I agree, many people are too wrapped up in themselves to be a good listener. But we do need to be willing to open up too. I think you are just wonderful!
I give utmost importance to the last point–Hard times. I think it is the best way to recognize the person. #Friendship π
The part about being myself – I have a lot of acquaintances, but you’re not my friend until I can be myself around you! #GlobalBlogging
I feel the same Heather
All this is so true. True friends are the ones who’ve seen us be ourselves – and like us anyway π Hope all is well with you and yours
Thanks lovely, we are very well, all relaxed from our recent holiday. I agree I love friends who still love me even when they get to see all of me xx
I think it’s important to remember everyone is going through stuff, stuff they may not want to share with you, for whatever reason, so while they don’t seem to listen or be there for the hard times, maybe it’s because they’re going through their own stuff. A friend said to me that she didn’t seem to think X wanted to be friends with her now she was (recently) single. I’m not friends with X but I could clearly see she was carrying her own heavy load and maybe just having to keep her own head above water. We all have our own huge issues and some of us manage them better than others, but it doesn’t mean there’s much fuel left at times to help others. I don’t think it means you don’t value the friendship, it just means for now, you’ve hit your limit. At other times, you’ll be all over it.
I totally agree, and have had this experience personally, both a close friend and I were struggling through tough times at the exact same time. It was hard to give her the support that I wanted too when I was depleted and in hospital with the possibility of loosing my unborn son when I was diagnosed with a heart condition whilst pregnant. She couldn’t support me and I couldn’t support her fully either, but we still knew we were there for one another and loved one another dearly, we loved each other enough to know that this was temporary.
I think it’s important to remember everyone is going through stuff, stuff they may not want to share with you, for whatever reason, so while they don’t seem to listen or be there for the hard times, maybe it’s because they’re going through their own stuff. A friend said to me that she didn’t seem to think X wanted to be friends with her now she was (recently) single. I’m not friends with X but I could clearly see she was carrying her own heavy load and maybe just having to keep her own head above water. We all have our own huge issues and some of us manage them better than others, but it doesn’t mean there’s much fuel left at times to help others. I don’t think it means you don’t value the friendship, it just means for now, you’ve hit your limit. At other times, you’ll be all over it. #Globalblogging
Thought provoking post. I’ve just realised that a friend of mine takes a lot of me and gives me not much in return. Friendship should feel easy, not a dread that you haven’t called them for a few weeks.
Thanks!
#GlobalBlogging
It is so important to be comfortable with yourself and surround yourself with people who accept the real you. Friendships change over time but those who matter will stick with you no matter what #globalblogging
Friendships are something I dont often think about…but really I should pay a bit more attention to them I think.
#globalblogging
These are all such important points. I think the one that hits home for me, is hard times. So often those that we think are close to us, don’t even see when we are hurting. Or are too busy to pick up the phone and ask us how we are dealing with something. We should be intuitive about/with our friends. And yes, sometimes it is OK to end friendships. It doesn’t mean they are bad people, it just means we’ve outgrown each other. Great read Mac, thanks. #globalblogging
It took me a long time to let go of some friends that I thought were around for the long haul. But it was the best decision I ever made. Sometimes our paths cross and I’m tempted to start building the friendship again but it always ends the same way. Fortunately I have a few great friends who I know I can count on. In those relationships I fear that it’s me who isn’t as good a friend as I could be. #ablogginggoodtime
This is a great post. I’ve cut people out of my life over the last few years who no longer bring anything to the table or I no longer trust. It’s better to have only a small handful of people in your life than to have loads and loads and not trust them. Quality over quantity every time. #ablogginggoodtime
Oh wow! This post has really hit home with me for various reasons. Thank you #ablogginggoodtime x
Such a fab post. I recently had a really honest conversation with a friend of mine about what we’re going through in our personal lives, me with caring for my severely disabled son and her with a tumour. We’d both not wanted to ‘bother’ the other with our problems but it actually really helped us both to be able to talk to someone going through some personal issues too. We both understood why we’d retreated into ourselves and stopped socialising, whereas some of our other friends just couldn’t understand why we’d stopped coming out #ablogginggoodtime
This is exactly why I miss my friends from the UK, I know with them I can be fearlessly authentic. I think age has taught me to look at friendship with a more careful eye too. #ablogginggoodtime π
Aaah I always struggle reading posts like this because, if I’m honest, I have probably 1 (maybe 2) friends at most that fit this description. It’s a long story as to why it’s turned out like that, but that’s how it is. However, I count myself extremely blessed that my hubby ticks all these boxes and a million more – the one person who I can be myself with at any time. #ablogginggoodtime
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