Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that is making you more unhappy than it is happy? Or a job that you really don’t like, but you can’t give it up because you need to pay the bills? When our true self feels devalued we often are tempted to stay in substandard relationships, or continue doing things in our lives that are not fulfilling, or beneficial to our self esteem or personal growth. This post today will hopefully help you break that cycle.
It can be hard leaving a relationship. People stay for many reasons, some feel like if they end a relationship they will be a failure, or be perceived as a failure by others. Some feel it will be like they wasted a huge part of their life, others can’t admit defeat. Walking away from something we have invested so much of ourselves into is hard, breakups can be messy and very upsetting. Ending a relationship that is not meeting our needs however, is not a failure. It takes courage to walk away and admit that the relationship was not right for us any longer.
Change is part of life, and as much as we can find that uncomfortable, we need to accept it and even embrace it. One of the hardest things with ending a relationship is wondering if we will regret it, we second guess ourselves and sometimes we stay because we feel it is better to be in a unhappy relationship than not in one at all.
Our basic need for companionship and acceptance is a huge reason we stay. We all want to feel loved, wanted and accepted. The fear of being alone can be too much for some, the uncertainty of if we will ever find someone again can be too much to bare.
The same goes for hanging onto friendships that no longer make us happy, or fill a need in our lives, those friendships where you make all the effort to make plans, or send texts, and they never do. We also do this with jobs, we are not sure if we will find another one so we stay in jobs that make us miserable. Is there a way to break this cycle?
Luckily the answer is yes! It comes down to our self-esteem, or lack there of.
It is time to start focusing on wellness. When we feel healthy our self esteem improves. Eating better, increasing our water intake, exercising and meditation can all help improve our sense of self worth which is key to growing our confidence. Even stretching for 5 minutes every morning, or taking a walk during lunch breaks can make a huge difference.
Remember that self esteem can only build from within. They way you talk to yourself, the way you take care of your health, the pride you take in tasks you do, and what you put up with from others will all add input to your internal dialogue. Only you can validate you. Do some self-reflecting, practice mindfulness, write affirmations and pop them on your mirror, and if you are particularly struggling with self esteem talk to a professional counsellor.
Make the realisation that external forces and people are never going to help you live authentically.
Relationships are different to jobs. When it comes to having to pay bills we need to have a job. It is not as simple as breaking up with a boyfriend, or cutting a non-caring friend out of your life, but working on your self-esteem and looking after your health will help you have the confidence to begin looking for a new job. In the meantime if your job is not satisfying you look at doing some volunteer work on top of your job. Even if you are pressed for time, volunteering in a field you are more interested in can help lead to new opportunities, and just feeling happier in general. Consider studying part time, or doing a course that interests you. Even having a hobby can give you more to look forward to, and detract form a dissatisfying job.
When it comes to relationships breakups are never easy, and the thought of feeling lone can leave us stuck in a dead end relationships for years past its used by date. Increasing your wellbeing and growing your self-esteem will help with leaving, but you need to accept there may be a period of time where you will be single, and you need to learn to be ok with that. Unlike jobs, we don’t want to be searching for a new relationship whilst still in another one. It can be tempting, but ultimately if you are unhappy in a relationship it is better to set yourself and your partner free.
Look for healthy ways to fill the void that ending the relationship will /or has created. Look at is as an opportunity to work on your self-esteem, to seek therapy, or become healthier both physically and mentally. Try new hobbies, meditate, focus on your career, meet new friends, work on becoming the person you want to be. If you accept it will take time to find the right person, you and your future partner will benefit from this.
Take a Social Media break, or at least decrease the time you spend there. Unfollow your ex and his/her friends and family. Seeing them can cause feelings of doubt, and let’s face it, people post all sorts of happy pics to annoy ex’s, or post things to put you down. Don’t get sucked in. Focus on yourself, and follow the feeds that make you happy and offer inspiration.
Ultimately know that you deserve happiness, and only you have the power to change your life for the better! It is time to empower yourself. You’ve got this!
Have you found yourself stuck? Do you have any tips or stories to share? If so please feel free to leave e a comment below, I always read every one.
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