Sitting up late and leaving this blog post until the last minute is so me. I’ve always been a night person. At uni all my assignments and exam studies were done at night, so was the partying (not sure how I did so well to be honest). Having kids kind of forces you to change, strangely enough I married a man who is a morning person. The hard thing is now I know that even though I’m up late writing this, I have no choice but to get my butt out of bed early tomorrow (as I said having kids changes things). Yes there will be uniforms to find that have strangely disappeared again, and hair to be brushed and where are those shoes hiding? “MUM”!!!! “Yes I’ll be awake”! (like it or not).
Anyway as I feel myself getting tired, I can totally tell I am rambling on and to be honest I didn’t set out to blog about anything that I just wrote above! I swear I used to function much better at night when I was 19! Now I’m falling apart morning and night, and that brings tears to my eyes! OK it doesn’t really, but that is actually the prompt I set out to write about tonight.
“what brings a tear to your eyes”?
Today I celebrated 1 whole year since I wrote my very first post on this very website! I hear you asking ‘how did she make it a whole year when she rambles on like a crazy woman who seriously is in need of a decent sleep”? You are not alone, I ask myself that too!
When I started out I hadn’t even read a blog, nope not one. I had no idea what I was doing or where my blog was headed. All I knew was I was going to be me, totally me, totally Mac, a mum, a wife, a reflective, quirky, caring, and somewhat nutty me. Along the way I have questioned myself, doubted myself, and even been proud of myself (and that is the one that shocked me the most).
I promised myself I would always be honest, so here I am being honest with you and myself. This is not easy for me, putting myself out there, barring my soul to the world, being vulnerable is so hard. I was scared I would fail, I was scared that someone would read my words and think this woman does not belong, she is not good enough! All my life I have been my harshest critic. I have stopped myself from achieving goals, I have held myself back from following the path I knew I should be on. I haven’t been very nice to me! I never felt worthy of ‘good things’. To be honest writing this makes my eyes well with tears, the keyboard blurry. Why? Because it hurts, it hurts to know I treated myself so badly. I look back at the young girl I was and I hate how I treated her.
I can’t even explain what finally gave me the courage to write, to start my website and share my thoughts, my feelings, my life with all of you. Maybe I thought no one would read it? Or maybe there was a little fighter in me? A voice saying ‘come on Mac, it’s time to allow yourself a voice’.
Not long after I stared blogging, I saw post of mine shared on Facebook with a comment. This wonderful lady had shared my post and was telling her friends to read my blog, she was saying I was talented. This didn’t just bring a tear to my eye, this made me cry like a baby. I cried because it was like she was reaching into my soul and telling me it was OK to be me. I think it was one of the first times in my life I felt like I was on the right track. There was beauty in those tear drops, they were a letting go and an acceptance all at once,
A year on and I have had so much support, so many beautiful comments, so much acceptance and even though I don’t always feel I deserve it, I am learning to love myself and accept myself more than ever. I thank you all for that. I thank you for following my journey, for sticking with me even when I blab on too much, or make very little sense. I thank you for laughing with me when I am silly and being inspired by me when I attempt to inspire.
This started as my journey, a journey to find me. Now it is so much more, we are on this journey together, we are all finding ourselves. We are growing and learning to love and accept who we are. I can not thank you enough.
As always, thank you for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
Welcome to Friday Reflections
Link up with us for Friday Reflections
Friday Reflections is a link up hosted by Mackenzie and Janine We invite you to join us every Friday for a cocktail, mocktail, or a good cup of tea over which to reflect on your week, your life, your dreams and your adventures, all from the reflective prompts we provide.
1. Grab our badge and proudly display it on your sidebar and/or on the post you are linking up.
2. Check out the prompts we provide for the week and let your inspiration take over!
PROMPTS FOR THIS WEEK
** 6 November 2015 **
– What brings a tear to your eyes?
– What does unconditional love look like to you?
– What do you like most about yourself?
– How has empathy from others affected your healing?
– FREE WRITING – go for your life and write about anything!
- Link up and then swing by the hosts websites to read their posts and drop a comment
- Read and comment on at least one other linked up post that grabs your attention (you are welcome to read as many as you like!).
- If you link up something inappropriate we reserve the right to remove your link/s
- Posts must be original content
- There is a limit to one post per week
- Please show each other respect at ALL times
- Have FUN, be creative, reflect and bask in the process!
Linkup with us
Don’t forget to connect with me on my #mg link up