As a parent the last thing we want is to see our child suffer. When Aspen was born I was not only blown away by how beautiful and perfect she was, I was completely blown away with how much it hurt me inside when she cried. It was totally unexpected. Naturally I thought I wouldn’t want her to cry, but her cry affected me in ways I had never anticipated, that primal role as a mother kicked in and I knew I would do anything to protect her.

Elements of parenting came very naturally to me, others were a struggle, dealing with my emotional connection with Aspen was one of the biggest challenges for me. I became so protective, and felt like I was the only one who could truly meet her needs. It wasn’t long until I was overwhelmed and yet I couldn’t let anyone else support me as I felt such a strong desire to protect her. Hindsight allows me to reflect on those early days with objectivity and realise that the pressure I was putting on myself was unfair and I wish I could have understood it was ok to take  a break. I don’t even think that I thought I needed a break back then, the last thing I wanted was to be away from her.

I think a large part of those feelings came from the grief, and self guilt I felt over my previous miscarriages and infertility. I felt my body had failed me so many times and now I finally had this sweet healthy baby girl and I just couldn’t let her down. I was so overwhelmed with relief, tiredness, grief, love, and intense emotions. I remember feeling so many things all at once and not being sure how to process them.

My (not so baby) girl,  now 13, a gorgeous, social, intelligent and chatty teenager, has been having a rough time lately. Thank goodness for the amazing friends and family that surround her. Aspen is having some treatment this week that I won’t go into, she will be fine, she has to be. I know logically she will be. Funny how being a parent can cause those instincts and fears to begin to get under our skin and cause me to start thinking and fearing worst case scenarios. Over the past couple of weeks, with knowing this time was coming up I have been letting those old overprotective parenting habits grab hold of me, all those what ifs? They have been stirring around in my head. I am putting on nothing but a brave demeanour to my daughter whist silently praying she will be fine.

Needless to say, I am taking some time away from my blog to concentrate on Aspen and my other two little ones. I will not be running the #mg link up for a couple of weeks. I will tweet as many as I can when #mg returns and please sign up for my emails so you can be informed once I am back. Happy Easter to all, I look forward to still reading your blogs and seeing your Instagram pics.

I would love to hear your thoughts, am I sure I am not the first parent to become a crazier worrier when their baby was born? Do you still worry when they get older? Do you look back with hindsight and think wow I worried way too much!?

Thanks for your love and support, Mac