Is it always best to tell the truth?

Really think about it. I mean I guess our natural instinct should be to answer “yes”, shouldn’t it? But is it?

The thing about the truth is that it is a powerful tool, a healer, and also a weapon. It can set you free, but it can also get you, or someone you know into a lot of trouble. If you have ever told a lie, and not a little white lie, but an actual lie then you will know that it can eat you alive. Lies have a way of building too. You tell a lie, but when it is questioned you tell another lie to protect that original lie, it grows, it develops into something bigger than you are able to control, and suddenly the truth becomes even harder to tell. It traps you, it fills your veins, it consumes who you are. Living with lies will without a doubt cause you stress and pain, lies have the ability to turn you into someone you don’t want to be. 

So again the answer should be “yes”, you should always tell the truth. Right? It is what I tell my children. I tell them to always tell me the truth, even if they are scared that they will get into trouble, or someone will get hurt, they should always tell me the truth. 

It really is a tricky question though. In a black and white world the answer should be that you always tell the truth, but the world isn’t black and white, it is not even grey, it is a whole spectrum of colours that affect and influence our decision on whether or not we tell the truth. Think about it, have you already told a lie today? If you kept a record for a week, or a month, how many lies would you have told? Some lies become so routine that we begin to believe we are not even lying. Some lies just come so natural to us over time that we no longer recognise them as a lie.

I lie, I do. They are what I would call white lies, a lie to spare someone’s feelings, or a lie that won’t have serious consequences if found out, but still they are lies. I have even encouraged my children to tell a white lie. I have told them that if someone gives them a gift and they don’t like it and they are asked by the giver if they like it then they should say ‘yes’. Does this make me a bad mother? Or is it just a way of teaching them manners and social etiquette?

But when does a white lie become a serious lie? If a white lie is defined as ‘sparing someone’s feelings’, then couldn’t you hide an affair because that is sparing someones feelings? Would it be better to tell a friend if you knew their partner was cheating on them because it is the truth, or would it be better to keep it from them because it would hurt them? What if the affair was over and the couple was happy now, would it be better to keep the lie then? Like I said it really is not back and white, life just isn’t so simple, decisions are not always easy to make.

I went through a very serious and awful experience at a young age, and I kept it to myself, I didn’t tell family or friends the truth about what I had been through because I thought the truth was ugly and it would hurt people I cared about. Sometimes we keep the truth hidden because we believe it is the right thing, maybe sometimes it is, I don’t know. But for me it was wrong. It caused me serious nightmares, pain and self loathing. It affected my life everyday, telling a lie everyday, saying I was OK was a lie. I was far from OK. It took me 3 years of silent suffering and cost me a lot personally before I told the truth. But the truth was my key to healing, and also to the healing of the people who loved me who had known I was in pain (even though I tried to hide it). Once the truth was out there it wasn’t so ugly anymore, it was the freedom that I needed, the opportunity for me to heal. Telling the truth was scary, but it was the best thing I ever did.

That moment for me changed the course of my life, and many others as well. I learnt a valuable life lesson, the truth is the only option for me. I cannot judge what others do, I truly believe we cannot understand why people take the path they do unless we have walked in their shoes. But I know for me I need to be honest, my soul can never be at peace if I am not living authentically. I have to tell the truth and I have to live my truth.

I encourage my children to live their truth, to be honest and to be themselves. Yes I have encouraged  them to tell white lies, and maybe I shouldn’t? But I will always teach them to tell their truth and to make their decisions with a clear conscience. To listen to their hearts when making a choice and to make sure that the decision they make feels good to them, and fits with who they are.

That is what I believe we all need to do, when it comes to telling lies or telling the truth we all need to decide what we can live with and what feels authentic to who we are.

The truth is powerful, and at times you need to decide what you want to do with that power, and then the real challenge is you have to find a way live with that decision. 

This post was written as part of a Friday Reflection prompt:  “The truth.” Dumbledore sighed. “It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.”— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone).

What do you believe? 

Thank you for joining me, love Mackenzie xx

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