Looking down at her fast asleep in my arms, peaceful, which had been rare so far, I was at a complete loss of where to go from here, what to do now. This was the moment I had longed for, struggled to achieve, but now what? We had only had her for a few days, yet my heart had ached for her for what seemed an eternity. I was finally a mother, her mother and she was perfect. I looked at my husband, my eyes desperately searching his for an answer, what do we do now? I don’t think I have ever felt so uncertain before, not to this level. She was ours to care for, ours to keep safe. Motherhood had finally arrived, I knew this was going to be a journey, I knew I had so much to teach her, but I couldn’t have known just how much she would teach me.
That is the thing about parenthood, it is impossible to prepare for constant changes. Just when you think you have mastered something, there is a new challenge to present itself. Would she ever sleep through the night I wondered after 6 months of barely any sleep? Yes, she finally did. Would she ever drink from a sippy cup? Would she ever stop crying at strangers? Would she be ok, I worried every time she got ill? Would she cope ok with no longer being an only child? Would she cope with kinder? Her first day of school? Would I cope with her first day of school and meeting new mums, would she fit in, would I? We both learnt so much along the way, we took baby steps, we gained so much knowledge. She was learning everything for the first time, and I had to learn how to be a mother at every different stage.
This gorgeous photograph shared on #mummyhsot by @leanmeanmomma.
The other night she lay in her bed with her teddy bears surrounding her, her long strawberry hair lay across her pillow, her body now almost as long as mine, how did that tiny baby grow so fast? She is a teenager, and I am a mother to a teenager. Part of her is still so young, I can still see that quirky, curious, funny, cuddly toddler, yet I can also see the young woman she is becoming. Where do I go from here? How do I teach her, guide her, protect her, when I am just learning how to be a mother to a teen? I have never done this before? I don’t want to screw this up! She looked at me with those big brown eyes, and told me she had a question. She explained to me that when she has her friends over she is a little embarrassed to call me mummy, she said her friends don’t call their mums mummy in front of her. She wanted to know if it was ok to call me mum in front of her friends, and still call me mummy when it was just us? Of course I said it was ok, I understand, after all it is part of the progression of her growing up. She asked me if she had hurt my feelings? I assured her she hadn’t. The truth is it didn’t hurt my feelings, I am totally fine with her wanting to not call me mummy in front of friends. She is growing up, she will continue to explore her own identity and in some ways that will mean feeling that she has to separate her identity from mine, and discover who she truly wants to be. I am not hurt by that. But am I a little sad? Yes.
I want her to find her own identity, to be her authentic self, I don’t want her to live my life, I don’t want to tell her what she needs to do in life, this is her journey. But I am her mother, and that makes me want to desperately hang onto her, and fiercely protect her! I know to grow and learn she will have to make her own choices and make some mistakes along the way, I know this logically! But in my heart I want to wrap her back up in that baby blanket and hold her to my chest forever.
How do I let go enough to allow her to blossom, yet still hold on enough to keep her safe?
Am I proud of her? Absolutely! But I am also terrified! I have never done this before, she is my first born, and together we will learn.
Now it is time for our gorgeous #mummyshot round up!
this weeks featured photos from #mummyshot are
These adorable pics were shared by these amazing Instagramer’s
@hannahspannahcb. @themotherdiariesblog.
@treasureeverym. @mother_of_boys.
Thank you to everyone who continues to share their precious photographs with us. If you are not following these fabulous instagramers pop over and check them out.
If you would like a chance to be featured on my own, or Catie’s blog, just tag any photo’s of your children/grandchildren with #mummyshot.
My own personal favourite this week from my own Instagram feed is this memory of April holding our bunny YoYo a few months ago, but sadly YoYo passed away this week. She was a rescue and was almost completely blind. But she was the best snuggler ever!
My favourite from Catie’s Instagram photos this week is
Thank you so much for all of you who have shared your images with us! You can see Catie’s favourites over on her blog too.
If you would like more information about what #MummyShot is you can read “Introducing Mummy Shot”
Also if you are a blogger and have a post you would like to share come by every Monday for the #mg linky
Thanks for joining me, love Mac xx
You can find me on Instagram @macglanville
Also don’t forget to join my #livingfearlesslyauthentic community too. Only one rule! Real Life!
28 comments
Awww, I’ve got the feels!! Such a lovely post! #mainylovessummer
This is so beautifully written. Soon enough I will also be a mother of a teen too. It scare the hell out of me as I was a terrible teen!! #mainylovessummer
I know what you mean, I think what we fear is them being like us or worse!!
Back from #FabFridayPost xx
Beautifully written….
Parenting is hard….Just when you get the hang of it they go and grow up a little bit more and everything changes. My girls are 14 & 9 and they are starting to spread their wings. I don’t like it one bit but I have to let them go a little. Eek! #mainylovessummer
It is so true we have to let them spread those wings but it is so scary! Good luck with yours xx
Beautiful post and it’s one of those that tugs at the heart strings. It’s such a bitter sweet experience when the kids want to spread their wings, it’s taking me some getting used to. I love what they are becoming though. Thanks so much for linking up and being part of this linky.
Mainy
#mainylovessummer
This is beautiful. My two are still very young, but I’m only too aware of how fast time flies by! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx
This is so beautifully written and so true – I can so relate. Nothing really prepares you for being a parent. Not really. And as you say, when one phase is over another one starts, with its new set of challenges and things to figure out. It’s so amazing that we’re given the chance to be the parents of the wonderful people who are our children! Thank you for sharing! #mainylovessummer
Beautifully written post. Gorgeous pics too, found some lovely new instagrams to follow too. My oldest is starting school so can really relate to this post. Where does time go #fabfridaypost
It makes me a little sad that my toddlers sometimes call me mum instead of mummy. These few years have shot past and like you I struggle balance letting go with holding on. Who knows what I’ll be like when they’re teenagers. It sounds like you have a fab relationship with your daughter so that’ll see you through.
I was very nearly crying at the first part of the post – my daughter is only 8 months old and I never want to let her grow, but I know she has to grow up (hopefully very slowly…!). And then I saw the post about YoYo and I’m gone – we lost our bunny last night too. It’s so sad when you lose such a loving pet who’s a genuine member of the family, isn’t it? Thank you for linking up with #Blogstravaganza
What a beautiful post, Mac. I have these very same feelings as I watch my little and big and their growth spurts! Soon to be in 1st and 4th grade! When on earth did that happen? #FabFridayPost xoxo
Despite not having teenagers yet. I certainly understand the desire to always protect our babies. #BlogCrush
Oh your words really touched my heart! The bit about having to learn to be a mummy at each new stage really resonated with me – just when you think you’re starting to get a handle on things, they lurch into another new stage and you’re trying to find your feet again. You’ve captured the emotions and feelings so perfectly. It’s hard seeing them grow up and become more independent, but that’s our ultimate aim and so it’s a mixture of fear, sadness, happiness, & pride. Lovely post. #blogcrush
Beautiful. I am at exactly the same stage as you and this really resonated with me #mainylovessummer
Beautiful. It happens so quickly. Thanks for sharing on the #FabFridayPost
Awww! This post was so sweet! #BlogCrush
What a lovely andheart warming post. #blogcrush
What a beautiful post and one I’m sure so many Mums can relate to. #BlogCrush
Such a lovely post, sometimes it’s hard being a parent but the joy our children bring are so worth it.
#blogcrush
Hun this is beautiful. You have written about motherhood so beautifully and honestly, we want our children to grow and thrive but there is always a part of us that wants them to stay babies forever. I love this post xx #blogcrush
Hun this is beautiful. You have written about motherhood so beautifully and honestly, we want our children to grow and thrive but there is always a part of us that wants them to stay babies forever. I love this post xxx #blogcrush
Sometimes I feel like my two grow up over night and it really pulls at my heart strings, I only wish I could stop time passing by so quickly! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx
#thesatsesh this is almost poetic in beauty lovely, honestly i feel this urge to push and pull against my son everyday. I love the battle you describe of wanting your gem to blossom and also to hold her close… I’m not sure anyone knows the answer, but i agree – I’m enjoying the ride with my little man x
Beautiful post and I felt every word in my heart, as the mother of a daughter who is growing. Mine is still little, and has added issues; she’s autistic and we work so hard to develop her independence, and yet, I don’t want her to not need me! #thesatsesh
Reading this again, I feel each and every word more intently. This post is so real and authentic, and I cried – not out loud, but a slow, silent type of cry. This is all happening so vet fast. xoxo Brilliant. #thesatsesh
Thank you so much Lisa xx
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