It seems like everyone is an expert on parenting everyones child, but their own. As parents we question every decision, heavily weigh up options, feel immense pressure to not screw them up, panic over the little things, fear the worst and know all too well what parental guilt feels like.
On the flip side we are too quick to judge other parents, ‘we would never do that,’ ‘never allow our child to say, or that, or eat that.‘ Ironically often we judge others even more so before we become parents and then quickly realise we are not the parent we thought we would be!
The other day we were in a bike store, I was purchasing my children each a new scooter. I used to judge when people made choices to buy gifts like that for their children outside of their birthday, or Christmas. I like the idea of children waiting for what they want, and having that built up anticipation. Yet here I was buying them scooters when only April was having a birthday. Of course when we are the parent we have reasons we give ourselves to explain why we are doing what we are doing. Mine was that the scooters they have are getting too worn out, they have had them for years, and given they scoot nearly everyday it seemed easy to justify. Still part of me thinks it was a bit of an extravagant purchase that could have waited.
I of course felt even better when the store manager commented that my children were like children from the 1980’s as they had such wonderful manners and great behaviour whilst in the store. My children asked what he meant by that comment and I explained and my daughter said “well that is because you are a good mummy, we wouldn’t be so nice if you weren’t nice to us.” I couldn’t help but be pretty happy with that. In reality though I think kids get a bad rep these days, I think most us parents are all doing a pretty fab job, even if we do doubt ourselves night and day.
This parenting thing isn’t easy, the decisions I thought would be simple before becoming a mum, suddenly didn’t feel so simple once they were born. I was going to be the mum who always did arts and crafts with her children until I discovered I have little, to no patience for art and craft, and even less talent. There are things I have stayed true to, and things I have done the opposite of. I am not the mum I thought I would be, nor did I have the 6 children I thought I would have. In some ways I am a better mum than I thought I would be, in other ways, well let’s not go there. Overall I can be happy that I am learning along the way and doing what I believe is right for them. Right now I am just going to enjoy this messy, crazy, beautiful, magical journey along side them.
Are you the parent you imagined you would be?
Thanks for stopping by, love Mackenzie
13 comments
No. But I don’t think anyone is because children aren’t what you expect them to be and you adapt accordingly.
WE never are are we? I suppose we have to remember that we are not isolated entities: the parenting comes from the meeting of very different minds, coming from very different places. Responsibility and power isn’t always well received from our little subjects, and they let us know about it!! Frustrating as hell sometimes, but we have to get it right when it matters. Nobody’s perfect! #ABloggingGoodTime
Godparenting is so tough and such an emotional journey X #ablogginggoodtime
No I’m definitely not as patient as I would like. The other day I was doing my normal yelling at the kids to get out the door and my eldest turned to me and said ‘are you fed up with us,’ I felt awful! It really made me think that i need to try and be more patient! #ablogginggoodtime
I’m not sure that’s possible.. Our children have personalities that we have to readjust our plans to. However I did raise a polite, considerate, happy, thoughtful young adult so am pretty smug about my parenting in hindsight. #ablogginggoodtime
I couldn’t imagine what I was going to be like as a mum. I always worried that I’d be too selfish. But to my surprise, I’m the exact opposite when it comes to my children. #ablogginggoodtime
No definitely not. Parenting is tough and I am not sure that I have always been as patient as I would have liked. I have quite high expectations of myself and my children so there have been a few battles along my parenting path but actually as with everything in life they have provided me with significant learning points which have helped me to evolve as my children have grown up – after all as I am finding out parenting teens requires a completely different skill set! Your childrens’ comment is a wonderful accolade to you. Thanks for hosting Mac. #ablogginggoodtime
I’m not sure I imagined what parent I may be like. I was too stressed out by making sure I took the meds needed to think of much else. #ablogginggoodtime
I often think I’m not the parent I thought I’d be but the other day a neighbour told Misery Guts she often sees the kids & I on the bus on the school run and she’s always amazed how softly spoken I am & how well mannered the kids are. I was rather chuffed with that! #ablogginggoodtime
Wow, what a lovely thing for your children to say to you! Well done mama!
And congrats, someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #BlogCrush linky – feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge! (I’m a bit behind with my commenting, this was the week before last!)
Totally with you on the scooters there Mac. Scooting to school was one of the things that my daughter did when she was younger and it was a delight to see. When she needed a more grown up one, we got it. Those are memories, so bring it on I say. We are not ‘over-gifters’ either but it certainly shows it works when you receive lovely comments like that. Lovely post and thanks for sharing with #tweensteensbeyond
I am not the mother I imagined I would be but thinking back, that imaginary mother was unrealistic and I love the mother I have become because she is the mother I worked really hard to be. I’m not a domestic mom. Cleaning is not my friend but I am also not a terrible mother and I know this by how my children behave and also how they tell me almost every day. I do spoil them a bit. I get them something at least once a month because I get myself something once a month. But I like to add that they earn it by giving them earn points for doing good in school, chores and such like that. Again, though we are all not perfect parents because we aren’t perfect humans. That being said though, I know I’m a good mom for my boys and I’m proud of my parenting. Great thoughts on this Mac! #TweensTeensBeyond
I honestly don’t know what sort of mother I thought I would be! I totally agree about the learning part though. What people fail to realise sometimes is that parents are learning as well. And just when they think they have got it right, the child grows a little and you are a rooky all over again. Then, if a second (and in my case a third) child comes along, you go right back to the start because every child is different. It annoys me most when parents of toddlers criticise parents of teens. I feel like saying, ‘Come back and see me in 10 years and then I’ll be willing to listen to you!’ Thanks for sharing your fab post at #TweensTeensBeyond
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