A new year, and it is time to say farewell to the old and open up the windows and let the fresh breeze blow into our homes, and our souls, preparing us for something new.
For many the end of a year is a time of great reflection, to be honest despite the title of my website, I have not been doing much reflecting on the year that was. I almost feel like the days have just flowed into each other and it hasn’t mattered much whether the calendar has turned its page to a new year.
All years comprise of some bad times, some fabulousness, some devastation, celebration, laughter, happiness, loss, and more, and last year was no different. I had some devastating lows, some amazing adventures, I grew, and I embraced it all with the attitude of ‘what am I learning?’
When the end of 2017 rolled towards a close, I chose the word “sparkle” as my word for 2018. I wanted to share anything and everything I could, and contribute what I had to offer in order to help others. I wanted to sprinkle some of my happiness and inner sparkle on the world. Only half way through the year I found myself completely out of any sparkle, I was anxious, tired, confused and becoming overwhelmed.
It is funny how even in your own personal darkest hours, if you look hard enough, you find that there are lessons you can learn, and through the twists and turns, through grief, through tears, you can find a sense of self that you never knew you were even missing. I know for me that I realised that I was still holding onto so much hurt, and that pushing away pain and injustice doesn’t make it go away, no matter how much we wish it would.
I found that for me I had to stop living a life where I constantly felt silenced, I had to give myself permission to admit that I had been wronged, hurt, silenced and violated, and to discover that I was actually angry inside. I always saw anger as something bad, as something I was never entitled to be, and through the dark times last year I began to realise that anger can be a great thing, it can empower us to stand up for ourselves, it can be cancelled into change, into positive movement!
It was certainly the year of the unexpected. Through which I have been empowered to speak what is on my mind, to be freer to be me. I have met people I would never have met, formed new friendships, and shared my sparkle, (when I thought I had nothing left to give), to people who needed it most. I have taken on new challenges and learned even more the importance of mindful living in keeping me healthy in every way.
In so many ways last year would be one that would be easy to write off, but when you see the world through the eyes of gratitude, and the things you learn, you see the beauty in the world around you. Last year also gave me wonderful memories, family times full of love, great friends, and the letting go of some of the hurt I carry.
So for 2019 my world shall be “Learning,” because as I grow I know I will continue to learn. I know I still hold so much pain within, and I have a long way to go on my journey, but I will learn, I will keep fighting, and I will not allow myself to be silenced. I have no idea of what this year will bring, I’m not sure I have stopped to really consider what I want for myself for 2019, but I am sure I will continue to learn if I open my heart up.
Looking back over a year of Instagram it was lovely to see the happy moments, so I created a little collage which brought a smile to my face. I think that’s why I enjoy sharing happy images on Insta, it make it easier to look back and focus on the good!
So there you have it, I have finally taken the time to reflect on the year that was! Now I am ready to live in the NOW and just see what comes my way.
Thanks to everyone who has become a part of my world over the years and to all of you who subscribe, who comment, who send me beautiful personal messages that inspire me to keep my little space on the web going. May you have a beautiful 2019!
Much gratitude, Mackenzie xx