I’ve spent too much time being hurt, they say those who love you are the ones who hurt you the most. Do they hurt you the most deliberately? Or is it the fact we trusted them, loved them blindly, that the sting hurts that much more?
I am the kind of person to internalise everything, easier to look inside and blame myself for things I now know I shouldn’t have. Sure we all play our parts and it is healthy, to a degree, to look at ourselves in the mirror and ask, “what I have contributed?” “What could I have done differently?” Even if we can’t change the past, we can certainly benefit from learning from it.
Self reflection gives us the chance to really asses where we are at in our lives, where we have been, and then make a decision on how we want to proceed within certain relationships, career choices or our life path in general. Through reflection we grow, we learn that change (although scary for some), can be so empowering, we learn what we like about ourselves, and what is no longer working. The reality is sticking with the status quo, sometimes is completely wrong for us.
None of us are the people we were ten years ago, and not just because we may have gained some wrinkles. What we have gained is so much more life experience, but if we just travel along like nothing around us, or within us has changed then we are at risk of missing out on so much. If we stay in our bubble, if we refuse to look beyond it, or reflect upon it, then we are holding ourselves back from great potential.
I know for a long time I was afraid of change, (I still tend to be cautious), it wasn’t until I was basically hit will the full force of reality and what continuing with old patterns was doing to me, that I was forced to look deeper into that metaphorical mirror than ever before!
I had been so busy always running around trying to fix everything and please everyone that I no longer even knew what it was I wanted. I think I was at a point where maybe I didn’t even care what I wanted or needed. Reflection isn’t always pretty, or easy. Facing the reality that not everyone has good intentions, and that no matter how hard I tried, and believe me I did, I couldn’t make everyone happy. I couldn’t fix things when the other party wasn’t willing to do any self reflection.
Someone I loved and trusted hurt me deeply, not only did I not see it coming, when it did happen I just keep thinking somehow I could make it all better again. I wanted to cling onto the past, or believe that if I worked hard enough, if I sacrificed my dignity then I could have the future I thought I would have. A future that was just a fantasy.
Stuck in the in-between, a past gone, a future that didn’t exist.
Really looking at ourselves can hurt, but not as much as the time we waste in the in-between can hurt us.
We may never get the answers or the resolution we long for, but through reflection, and willingness to let go and accept change, we will learn, we will be stronger, we will grow . . . . actually we will bloom!
Please share any thoughts with me via the comment section, or feel free to email or tweet me.
Thanks for stopping by and taking a read, love Mac xx
13 comments
I’ve definitely learned that relationships in life come and go – family, friendships – they all have their time and place. I will never be miserable for the sake of trying to maintain a relationship, life is just too short. #ABloggingGoodTime
that’s such a healthy attitude, something I struggle with obviously, but I am learning even if it has been the hard way. Thanks Heather xx
I think most people struggle with this. I am in a unique position of being a Navy kid and now a Navy spouse. I am very used to living far away from family and having friends leave every other year. I realized very young that you should only cultivate the relationships that are good for you. #DreamTeam
I have really struggled when people you love the most are the ones that hurt you. Its a hard life lesson to go through but I am better at my relationships now for having had that experience.
One good thing about having your own family and space is you are in a better place to choose regarding relationships and friendships. It really isn’t worth pursuing friendships, particularly, if they have turned negative. It’s good to be able to close your front door on negativity/ #ABloggingGoodTimne
One good thing about having your own family and space is you are in a better place to choose regarding relationships and friendships. It really isn’t worth pursuing friendships, particularly, if they have turned negative. It’s good to be able to close your front door on negativity/ #ABloggingGoodTime
Well, there’s certainly no merit in letting the universe squeeze us into a mold that doesn’t fit. It’s a double loss: we lose ourselves, and the world loses the great good that we have been designed to do.
Each setback is an opportunity to grow if we look at it in a positive light. That is sometimes tough to do when we are hurt. I have been struggling with being hurt by an older family member recently. Here is something I read on another blog that I liked. “You may only have hostility toward me but I can still be kind to you. You may want to live in the past but I can move forward without you.”
Life is really tough sometimes isn’t it Mac. Sometimes though, I think we need to go through these tough times to realise who we are and who we want to be. There is no greater test of our values and our identities than being faced with other people and relationships that try to quash them. Take care Mac, you are stronger than you know! Pen x
Yep I feel you, there is definitely bumps in the road but you just walk around and carry on X #ablogginggoodtime
This one feels very close to home. Good hearts get hurt – perhaps bad hearts come from those who have had most hurt. I don’t have any clever words or answers. I am in an in-between space all of my own right now, Hard to throw a relationship away after so many years but not finding joy in it much either. And also a great wish to be me more if that makes any sense? All power to you #ABloggingGoodTime
this post is very pertinent to me at the moment. i have been struggling for a long time with screwed up family relationships. it has been a long and very hard road to getting over it all. and i’m still not there yet. i am starting to feel better tho…. slowly slowly… so hard to forgive ourselves as much as others. i tend to blame myself for everything and certainly they are keen to blame everyone but themselves. grrrrr…. life is hard sometimes 🙂 cheers sherry
I used to struggle with this too Mac. I used to cling to old relationships because of sentimentality but all they were really doing was making me miserable. Each one was for a different reason but I realized over time and much self-reflection – as you mention – I was clinging to the idea of the person, not the actual person. When I really started to look at who the actual person was, I didn’t like them. When I looked within myself to assess how they made me feel, they made me feel small and insignificant. That’s when I started to change my perspective on my relationships in my life. I no longer accept anyone who is only here to make themselves feel better while not caring a lick for me. I’m glad I read this Mac. It reminded me of a few things. #ABloggingGoodTime (so sorry I am late responding to your linky. Playing catch up today)
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