Being a parent has it’s highs and lows, yes that’s right there are some lows. Why do people get so mad if we admit that being a parent is not always easy, it’s not always sunshine and roses? Why can’t we complain and say there are moments where we want to run out of the house screaming like a wild woman wearing her PJ’s, hair unwashed and God forbid armpits unshaven?
I get it, I do, there was a time where I thought I may never be a mum. After my first pregnancy ended in the devastation of an early miscarriage I was distraught and heart broken, my perfect dream had been shattered, and I wondered how any parent could ever be ungrateful enough to complain about their children. Then after my second pregnancy ended in a later miscarriage, after I’d seen my baby in an ultrasound, felt morning sickness and sore breasts, and then had my baby ripped from me before I ever got to hold her absolutely broke me. I felt like a Zombie and I feared I would never have a child. So I do understand that mothers sound ungrateful when we complain. I survived 3 miscarriages, followed by a body that shut down and stopped ovulating due to being stressed and heartbroken. I also watched and held one of my best friends hands as she went through IVF, I watched my sister in law deliver two healthy babies that were due the same week as two of my babies that I never got to hold. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.
I am one of the lucky ones though, I know that. I am so grateful every single day for the 3 babies I have in Heaven and the 3 I have here in my arms. The baby I thought I would never have is now 11, followed by her sister now 8 and my little boy who is 5! I never take them for granted and I love them every minute of every day, but isn’t it OK to say there are moments were they drive me completely insane? Isn’t it?
When Aspen (miss 11) was born she was not an easy baby by any stretch. She cried a lot, she only slept in my arms, the whole advice to sleep when they slept, or shower while the baby sleeps, or eat, was not happening in our house. Sleep for me became a distant memory, she was either on my boob or in my arms all the time! I loved her cuddles, I loved her smell, I loved that she loved me above all else in the world, but night after night, day after day of walking her up and down the hallway took it’s toll on my emotions. I remember so clearly trying to sit down in a chair with her in the middle of a winters night because I was exhausted and she just started screaming again. I started to cry too. I was so tired and emotional and I just wanted to sleep. I felt this overwhelming guilt, terrible, horrible guilt! How could I be so ungrateful, I had wished, prayed, begged for this baby and here she was, safe and healthy and I just wanted her to sleep! What was wrong with me?
I realise now that nothing was wrong with me. Of course I wanted sleep, it didn’t mean I loved her less because I was complaining about having no sleep for days, no sleep is a form of torture after all. So yes us parents complain about things, and it doesn’t mean we are so completely ungrateful for our babies, we are grateful, very, very grateful! We are more than grateful, but we are also human.
You can love your husband, but still get annoyed at him, you can love your mum, but she can still drive you crazy sometimes, you can adore your dog, but still be mad if he pee’s or poops inside, and you can love your career, but need a day off sometimes! It is OK to complain! We all need a good whine sometimes!
Parenting for me has delivered the highest of high moments in my life. My kids make me laugh and cry tears of pride and joy, and I wouldn’t change them for anything in the world. Parenting has also been one of the most exhausting things I have ever done, the worry, the fear when they are sick or hurt, the heartbreak when they cry, the headaches when they fight and the worrying about how their lives will turn out. I am always asking am I doing enough, am I being a good enough role model?
So to all parents, step parents, carers out there I am saying it is OK if we need to moan sometimes, if we need to take a break and have a little ‘me time‘, we can never switch off fully from the concern, the worry, but we can know it is OK to sometimes say ‘being a parent was hard today‘.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
Want to hear a man’s point of view, check out my Confessions of a Dad guest Post Here.
My 5 Parenting Highs and 5 Parenting Lows listed here on my Vlog Post.
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