Have you ever felt like you have dealt with past painful events, traumas, things that used to cause you upset, or at least put them aside and then seemingly out of nowhere you are hit with a 300 million volt of lightning? Suddenly you feel triggered, upset, anxious, teary, shaky, angry or even like you want to be sick? If you have then please know many of us can completely relate. This happened to me just last week. I was in a really good place, and although I know life is not linear, it ebbs and flows and sometimes it sends a wave your way that knocks you off balance, or perhaps it sends a lightening bolt, sometimes it still completely shocks me when it happens! Can you relate?

Knowing it may happen and experiencing it can be two very different things! So just what does being triggered mean? Being Triggered means something occurs that sets off a past hurt, something you may be sensitive too, or even a past trauma. A Trigger can be anything from a smell, something someone says, an image, a social media post, someone not replying to your messages, a look someone gives you, their tone of voice, or even a song that brings back unwanted memories.

We are emotional beings and that is a good and healthy thing! As much as past parenting focused on teaching children to not show emotion that soon lead to a very unhealthy generation of people who buried emotional trauma only to have it explode in unhealthy ways with breakdowns, violence and even self harm. Boys and men were especially told they were weak to show, or share emotions, but this was not limited to men. Many girls were also raised to bury emotion and usually because their parents simply were not equipped with how to handle their child’s emotions. As a parent myself I understand the natural instinct to want our children to be emotionally healthy, to not see them suffer or experience pain. However, denying their pain, ignoring it, belittling them for it, or telling them it is not a valid feeling does not help us or them deal with emotional pain.

When we ourselves are dealing with unresolved trauma, or emotional scars, seeing our children or others show emotion can trigger our pain, thus creating a cycle of people continuing to hide emotion or feel ‘weak’ if they experience what society has labelled as negative or unwanted emotions.

The truth is emotions are healthy and necessary. Emotions are what gives us depth, help us experience life to its fullest, emotions give us determination, joy, interest and curiosity, they are the essence our life experience. When we understand that emotions are beautiful, colourful ways to experience life we begin to understand that we need to let them come and go naturally and not bury them like some dirty little secret.

If we feel safe to express our emotions I truly believe we will become a much healthier society and not just mentally! Physical illnesses often manifests in our bodies due to anxiety, fear and unresolved trauma.

Have you ever heard the term ‘get over it’, ‘toughen up’, ‘don’t be a cry baby’, ‘move on’. ‘stop acting like a little girl’, “man up’, ‘stop being a drama Queen’, or “it is time you grew up’? You have probably been told showing emotion is showing weakness, or showing emotional will get you picked on?’ These terms are so belittling, the idea behind them is to stop us feeling unpleasant emotion, but let’s be honest, all it does is push our emotions down, make us feel like shit and lead to unresolved or unhealthy behaviour. The only person benefiting from us hiding emotion is the person who can not handle the fact that we are emotional (and that is usually because it makes them uncomfortable, or makes them face things they have buried.)

Let’s remember that we were created to feel and to experience life to the fullest, and although painful emotions hurt, we would also miss out on all the wonderful emotions if we started shutting of our emotional centres. Love, Joy, Peace, Comfort, Passion, Pride, Lust, Fun, Confidence are just some of the beautiful emotions we feel and experience. It is the gift of having a human experience and I do not want to be a robot. I want to feel ALIVE! Triggers can bring back positive memories and also very painful ones, either way it is part of experience of human existence. Triggers to many degrees are healthy as the show us what to continue pursuing and what to avoid by helping us fear and recognise dangerous situations we need to avoid. Although Triggers can be healthy warnings sometimes they can terrify us so much that we feel crippled by them. We can be frozen in fear, we can experience panic attacks and illness if our triggers are at an extremely heightened level.

So we know Triggers can be warnings, sometimes helpful, sometimes life affirming and yet sometimes crippling. So how do we manage Triggers so we don’t let them control us?

Support! Whether it is a trusted friend, a group who have experienced similar experiences, a counsellor, family who support you, or a group of friends you know are supportive these are the people who you can turn to. Communicate with them, let them know what triggers you so they can avoid accidentally triggering you. Talk to them about strategies that help you feel calmer when you have been triggered. For example if there is a safe space they can take you, someone they can call? Perhaps there is music that helps sooth you, or sometimes it is just staying next to you and letting you ride through the emotions.

Know what Triggers you. Sometimes we don’t know until it happens, but if you start noticing a pattern take note of when, why, who is there, where you are, if there is a certain type of music playing, or a smell? Jot down anything you think may have Triggered you so you begin to understand the patterns. This way you will feel more empowered to address the triggers and work on lessening them over time.

Learn some calming techniques. Attend Mediation classes, practice mindful breathing, and personally I highly recommend the ‘Calm App’, it does cost a yearly fee, however it has so many great meditations, calming music and emergency calm techniques it can talk you through. Having it on your phone is like always having a little Calm Fairy near by. I also use this before I sleep each night.

Drink plenty of water, avoid soft drinks (even ones with no sugar, they are full of chemicals that we have no real idea what they do to our bodies and minds). Breathe Fresh air, get outdoors, swim, walk, jog, surf, play golf, whatever you enjoy. the more active our bodies are the more good endorphins and the better we sleep! Sleep it critical to a healthy mind and body. Even if you suffer insomnia, just resting without looking at a screen will help rejuvenate the mind. Again I recommend the calm app, I love the ‘gently back to sleep mediation’, otherwise there are lots of free mediators online.

Think of Triggers as ways to learn. Instead of only seeing them as negative, think about what they are trying to teach you. For example do you need to seek professional counselling? Perhaps you need to avoid certain personality types? Perhaps some friends are toxic and are constantly triggering you. Don’t be afraid to ditch Toxic people!

Find your tribe. We get so obsessed with hanging onto friends who no longer make us feel good about ourselves or who show us no support. You are never too young, too middle aged, or too old to find your tribe. Trust me they’re out there. The best way to find them is to be the true you! Own who you are, speak your truth, do activities you love, get out of the house and join new groups with like minded souls. Even on Instagram you can follow hashtags that will help lead you to like minded souls.

Touching back on the subject of toxic people, I have to say this again, get them out of your life, stop feeling guilty. If people are triggering you in a negative way, it is ok (in fact it is healthy) to move on!

Remember that Triggers are there to show you the truth about how you feel deep down, they are not the enemy. Next time you are triggered use it as an opportunity to learn, but always have a support team. You don’t have to face things alone!

I know it might sound a little ‘self lovey’ but place your hand on your heart, show yourself compassion. Breathe in deeply feeling your tummy and chest fill, and then slowly release. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to cry, scream, dance, or express emotion, we need to release it.I also can not highly recommend ‘Grounding’ or ‘Earthing’ enough. Grounding really brings us back to the present moment which moves us out of the painful memory we many be experiencing. Take off your shoes, feel the grass, sand or soil beneath your feet, hug a tree, plant something, swim in a river or the ocean, re connect with Mother Earth. Live as much as you can in the now.

Most importantly know there is no ‘one right way’ this is your unique life journey, and even if not everyone understands, know that you are never alone.

Sending love and light, Kylie xx

This was first published over at www.soulandmoonlight.com