feel connected

We are all experiencing one of the most intense times in our history, life as we knew it at the beginning of 2020 is most certainly not life as we are experiencing it now. This new decade was bound to be an interesting and life changing one for everyone. However, as much as we could have predicted there would be some pain and turmoil during this new decade most of us were not anticipating just how quickly our lives would be impacted in such a profound way!

I remember celebrating with some of my closet friends as midnight approached this past New Years Eve, we had all experienced a lot last year, some of us had made life changing decisions, some experienced great highs and some the most devastating lows. The most beautiful thing I recall when I look back on that night was that we were together, our families were together. Our children where running around outside, jumping on the trampoline, dancing with glow sticks and laughing. For me it is a memory that I hold close to my heart because although I knew moving away was going to mean we wouldn’t see each other every day, or every other day, I had faith we would see each other a lot because our connection was so strong.

Of course what I hadn’t anticipated was that seeing each other was going to be only via video calls. I am so thankful for the technology that allows us to connect with family and friends this way, but honestly I miss my tribe, I miss having a hug with my mum, and my girlfriends, I miss sitting at cafes having coffee and lengthy chats, I miss seeing my children with their cousins, or them piling on top of their friends. I miss them having sleepovers, playing boardgames and even making tik toks with each other. Am I lucky to be safe in a home that I love with my husband, kids and fur babies YES! I know it could be far far worse, but it is also ok to acknowledge that we need and miss human connection. As humans we are not designed to be separated, we crave physical touch and deep emotional connection. Even me, an introvert who needs many hours of alone time to charge my batteries misses human contact and not just with people I know, I miss chatting with the barista, shop owners, or strangers who are walking their dogs and our dogs want to say hi to each other.

So what can we do in these difficult times to stay connected, to experience human connection? Well firstly that depends on where you are in the world and what restrictions are in place where you live. For example in Victoria Australia right now we have heavy restrictions so unfortunately as much as we crave that human touch, or to physically see our loved ones who don’t live with us, it is just not possible. There is nothing that is going to replace that, but I thought I’d share some things that might ease the heartache a little.

15 Things to help you feel more human connection during 2020

1. Don’t just talk on the phone actually FaceTime loved ones, organise to both make a drink, or meal beforehand so you can chat over a meal, coffee, or glass of wine.
2. When face timing you can also still do other tasks, set your phone or iPad up so that you can be in view whilst you’re cooking, it’s fun to share a recipe with a loved one and both cook at the same time, the same cookies or cake and then share your results.
3. You can also even FaceTime whilst playing the same video game, this is a great way for kids to connect, and sometimes for people who find it hard talking over a video chat or phone call, playing the same games can make chatting easier and more fun! If you have online gaming you can battle each other whilst chatting.
4. Letter writing, we don’t very often get personalised letters in the mail, and although it is considered snail mail it is also something that can feel more personal than a text or email. Knowing that someone actually took the time to write, draw, or even decorate a letter with stickers means so much. Make homemade cards, or even send someone a paper aeroplane. If you know origami you can send them to friends and family and they can put them somewhere in their home and send you a photo of where they put it.
5. Make a photo book online to send to a loved one, fill it with things you have been doing during lockdown, or fun past memories you shared. If you enjoy writing add comments about the pictures and the reasons why you included those particular photographs. What a wonderful way for you to spend an afternoon looking through images and imagine how happy the person who receives it will feel!
6. If you can afford it order a lovely personal gift for a friend or family member and have it posted to them. It can be anything from some healing crystals, skin care, a voucher for an online store you know they love, a mindful colouring book with pencils, a game or puzzle (you can buy yourself the same puzzle and send each other update pics). Flowers, or cupcakes from their local bakery, even balloons! It doesn’t have to be an occasion, in fact it is better if it isn’t.
7. Love books? Why not start a social distancing book club during this time! Find between 1 and let’s say 5 others who would like to be part of this group (I recommend sticking to a small ombre so when using Zoom or Houseparty you don’t get overwhelmed with too many people trying to speak at the same time). Each choose a book and also a time frame that suits each of you. Remember to allow time if the books are coming via post as their is a high demand with mail and deliveries right now. Once everyone has the first book you can all start, agree on how often you will organise a virtual meet up. You may wish to set a goal of once a week or fortnight and agree on how many chapters you will read, that way you can all read at the same pace and talk about the book along the way. Get everyone to guess what might happen next, talk about what characters you love, or empathise with, or which characters make you angry.
8. It is not just Book Clubs that can work, perhaps you have a friends or friends who love sewing, or knitting and you can do the same pattern, perhaps you can get a group of people who love conspiracy theories and you can listen to a Podcast like ‘Those Conspiracy Guys’ or an empowerment podcast, or just a really funny podcast to lighten the mood and then make a time to zoom and chat about it.
9. Donate to charity, although so many of us struggling financially right now it can really improve our self worth to know we can still give to people who are in a harder situation than we are. It doesn’t have to be financial, it may be clothing that is still in great condition that you just don’t wear, or maybe you have some fantastic kids toys or books that they have grown out of. Maybe you have a special skill or talent that you can use to help others right now.
10. Be honest! What do I mean by this? Part of human nature is connecting over our emotions and just needing to be heard, but it is hard for people to open up about those ‘not so pretty‘ feelings. Once we open up, be honest about what we are feeling and live more authentically we are helping others to feel better about opening up about what they are going through!
11. Trust your intuition. Sometimes we may just get a certain gut feeling or vibe that something is not quite right with someone. Don’t ignore that feeling, instead choose to pick up the phone and ask someone how they are coping with everything going on in the world and for them personally. If we simply ask ‘how are you?‘ Most people instinctively answer ‘fine,’ ‘good,’ or ‘ok‘. So instead try asking more open ended questions such as ‘how are you feeling about not seeing your sister?’ or say ‘I am really missing having coffee in person with you, and missing taking the kids to the park, what things are you missing most?’
12. Spend time in your front garden so you can still see people who are walking their dogs or out for a stroll with their children, say ‘hi’ and wave, just by waving at someone we can improve both their mood and ours. If you have to wear a mask out in public it is harder to show you’re smiling, but when someone smiles their eyes light up so smiling is important even if you are wearing a mask, plus it sends signals to your brain that help you feel happier.
13. If you have a pet make sure you are spending lots of time with them, although it is not the exact same as human to human contact (some would say it is better), patting a cat, playing, or snuggling with your dog, bunny, mouse, or whatever pet you have will release feel good endorphins that will help you get through this period of loneliness.
14. When you get a delivery even if your area is a no contact drop off, after the delivery person has walked a safe distance away from your front door go outside and call out thank you and wave. Wave to the postman or woman because trust me they are under the pump!
15. When you get out to do the weekly shop remember to say thank you to the people working there and whilst you are packing groceries into your bags ask them how they are, or tell them a funny thing that has happened to you, even though you may never see that person again any human interaction that is bright and friendly will improve both your moods.

I am sure you can think of loads more fun, or creative ideas so feel free to comment below! Perhaps you have had a Zoom dance party, or had fancy dinner parties where you dress up and share a meal over video chat. I have a locked in Friday morning coffee and chat with my girlfriends, and when our family has had a birthday we make funny and quite elaborate iMovies that we send to the birthday person! My nephew had his 18th last week whilst he is in Stage four lockdown in Melbourne and we made an episode of Big Brother where we wore wigs and played characters and then sent him the video, and some other family members reenacted well known scenes from The Sound of Music (it’s my nephews favourite movie) it was hilarious! There are lots of ways to be creative.

It isn’t the same, not seeing one another really sucks, but in my personal opinion it is the safer alternative, my daughter had a COVID scare just the other day and luckily her test was negative, she has a really bad throat infection and her asthma is not great. We are the lucky ones, we are safe right now and we have to protect others in our community and the world. This is our chance to come together even though we are physically apart, it is the time to heal our past wounds and work on ourselves to become more compassionate, more giving, more environmentally conscious and love ourselves so we have a lot of love to give!

I hope one or a few of the 15 ideas resonate with your and excite you! Stay safe and know I am always an email away or stop by @pretty_little_sqaures_ on Instagram and message me I will always message you back.

Sending love and light, Kylie

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Main Image Feature via Pexels taken by Ekaterina Bolovtsova