I always felt growing up that I wasn’t perfect enough, I knew I was loved, but I always felt I could ‘be better’, ‘do better’, ‘behave better”, and even ‘be prettier’. Those thoughts didn’t end in my childhood though, I took those feelings and thoughts into my teen years and even adulthood. I guess I wanted to fit some kind of mould, I wanted to be more like my sister, or some girl in a magazine, anyone really other than me. I had a loving family, great friends, but I always felt like I didn’t really deserve great things or great love. I felt different, I felt like I was never ‘good enough’. When people did or said nice things to me I just wasn’t prepared to believe that they really meant it.
Looking at my own children now it saddens me that at their age I was so insecure about who I was. I would hate my children to question whether they are good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough to be truly worthy of love and happiness.
The fact is that I felt different and I took that to be a bad thing. I wanted to be like everyone else, little did I realise everyone else was different too. Different is a good thing, it means we are “unique” and it took me a long time to realise that being unique isn’t a bad thing! Being unique is something that we should embrace and even more than that it is something we should celebrate.
I thought my parents wanted me to be a carbon copy of my older sister who I idealised, she is an amazing woman and my best friend, but that doesn’t mean I need to be just like her. We are both unique, and whilst she was and still is the more sensible one I know both my parents and my sister love my quirky weird ways.
My two girls remind me a lot of my sister and I, they are best friends and always laughing, but they are also quite different to one another. One is quiet and sweet, and coasts through life without making waves, the other is a deep thinker and a sensitive soul. But I don’t want either of them to change, I adore what they both bring into my life! My sister has two sons and they too are great friends, yet they are very different from each other too and we love that about them.
It wasn’t until I really started to do some soul searching that I began to see my uniqueness as something to be proud of, to accept the parts of myself that I had tried to deny. It wasn’t other people who wanted me to change, it was all me. I was the only person who thought I wasn’t good enough, the negativity was all mine. It is hard to explain really, like I said I had a loving home and was popular at school with many friends, so there is nothing I can pin point that made me feel not good enough, it all came down to my internal dialogue.
The way we talk to ourselves is powerful. The words we tell ourselves can be helpful, kind or very destructive. When someone compliments you do you believe what they say to be genuine and correct or do you think they are only saying it to be kind or because they are a nice person? The way I spoke to myself for many years was hurtful. I am and always have been a good person, and I deserve good things, yet it took me a long time and a lot of self reflection to realise this.
This is one of the reasons I started blogging, it gives me an outlet to be myself and to express what I am thinking or feeling. I think as people and as bloggers we compare ourselves to others, but I made a conscious effort that I would do this my own way, hence the name reflections from ME I think it is important to have a place or space where we are true to ourselves, where we can embrace our unique qualities. I do that through my words, you may do it through art, or cooking, maybe through sports or creating a beautiful garden to enjoy. Embracing your talents and passions is a great way to celebrate your uniqueness.
Here are some tips to embracing your uniqueness.
When someone gives you a compliment don’t dismiss it, accept it and believe you deserve it!
Think about the people you like and realise that you like them because they are unique, they all bring different things into your life, start to realise that they feel the same way about you. We have friends for many reasons, some are the ones we confide in, others we just laugh and laugh with, others we have similar interests to, and some are the ones who never let us down. Everyone has a unique quality that we appreciate, it’s time to understand that you offer people something unique that they want to.
Start telling yourself you deserve good things, even if at first it feels strange or wrong, just keep saying it, eventually you will believe it.
Be kind to yourself, at least once a week spend some time doing something you really enjoy. This can be anything, so think outside the box, think of something that is uniquely you.
As I mentioned above try embracing your talents and passions as this is a great way to feel positive about yourself.
Celebrate what is different about you. It really would be so boring if we were all the same, so start seeing your uniqueness as a gift.
So I challenge all of you to embrace your unique qualities this week, I would love to hear some of your unique qualities in my comment section below. And for any bloggers out there why don’t you join me this week and write a post about what makes you unique?
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
Writing prompts this week to inspire you are . . . . (9 October)
- Reflect on how the current season is making you feel. What do you enjoy or dislike about this season?
- What makes you unique?
- Is motherhood how you imagined it?
- Reflect on the year you have had so far.
- What brings out the melancholy in you?
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This weeks Friday Reflections Featured Writer is Wendy from “The Art of Why Not?” with her powerful post dedicated to those who fight Cancer. Congrats Wendy on a strong post.
15 comments
Fantastic prompts as usual, Mackenzie! One of the things that always holds us back, even when our heart says we’re fine, is that inner critic, forever trying to fling a spanner in the works. I love your tips for self-acceptance. Blogging is certainly therapeutic and it takes a brave soul to put those words out there for the world to see.
Always wanted a best-friend-sibling. Now thanks to the Internet, I have several 🙂
Love and hugs – will have my post up shortly!
Yes that inner critic can cause a lot of harm, we really should celebrate who we are.
It is so good to reach an age and stage where you can start embracing who you are and not feeling the need to apologize for your uniqueness. Such a great post and I loved all your suggestions for enjoying being yourself – I’m getting better at it and I agree that blogging is a big part of that!
I am glad you are getting better at it too, it is not always easy, but we can do it, thanks for being part of #Fridayreflections
Being different from others is a good thing. Like you, it took several years for me to realize that. Once we learn to accept ourselves as who we are, it is liberating, isn’t it? Self-acceptance is the way to go. I loved the tips you gave, Mackenzie. Blogging surely is a helps in clarifying our cluttered thoughts, isn’t it?
It is very liberating!
I love uniqueness in people. It is the most attractive thing in a person to me. I actually get annoyed when someone isn’t a little quirky in some way. I feel like they must be holding their real selves inside and I don’t feel trusted. Great post. Thanks for sharing.
-Tara
Friday Reflections
You are so right, I think the sign of a great friendship is when you can both share your quirky side.
Thank you for this lovely, gentle reminder. For whatever reason, I’ve never felt “enough”. But it’s me that has always has this crazy, unrealistic sense of everything needing to be perfect. I don’t know why… But reading your post uplifted and enlightened to be smarten up and see all the good and great, unique in people and things.
Have a great weekend Mac xo
Some times we can’t quite pin point why we feel not good enough, but it is so important to know we are and to embrace those unique qualities that we have xx
I’m 58 and only now starting to love the person that is me. Everyone has something special that makes them unique. We just have to learn how to celebrate this. Thanks for a beautiful post Mackenzie I need some of your soothing writing at the moment. X
I relate, Mackenzie. I felt that insecurity too. I think it was felt more prominently because there seemed to be expectations of me that were always too high, which made me wonder, is who I am not good enough that they need more all the time. Even now. I do that soul searching to accept I am who I am, because the noise of the heights of expectations touches a raw nerve at times. And yes, blogging definitely helped me to find that I am a writer, and I wanted to be that no matter what everyone else said. Thank you for the reflections…
thanks Leo, I am glad you realised that you were meant to write
Such a great post as its so true in real life. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
Self-acceptance is hard, whether we feel like we are too different, or not different enough. The difficulty is often self-imposed, too. If only we could see ourselves the way those who love us see us! I had a lesson in this two days ago. My daughter was home for the weekend and she took over 700 (!!) pictures of me for a new headshot for my blog. There were so few of them that I liked, but she and my husband love so many of them. The ones that were their favorites were the ones I disliked the most — the great big smiles and laughing faces. I thought I looked like a prune; they thought it looked like the me they love the most. I realized they liked those particular shots so much because those are the “real” me that they see and they love the real me. Where I see a wrinkled prune face, they see laughter, happiness, and a lifetime of great big smiles. It was very humbling to realize that, and then to read your post Mackenzie, and wonder why we struggle to see ourselves the way others do. So here is to your uniqueness, and my laugh lines! 🙂
Aaaaannd…thank you so much for mentioning my post from a few weeks ago! I am so inconsistent, but I really love your Friday Reflections and writing prompts. I am trying to get to a point I can write to one of your prompts each week! 🙂
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