I was feeling really down last week. I just lost that spark. It is hard to explain exactly how I felt, nothing was overly wrong, just a pile of small things I suppose. I think I am run down, have been a little sick, a close friend is moving away, and I was just emotional. I can be a little hard on myself, I guess we all can. When I feel like that, I am not always my own best friend, yet ironically they are the times I should be.
When you’re in the fog it is hard to see beyond the moment, to really understand that ‘this to shall pass‘. Mentally, and intellectually I knew it would, but emotionally I felt exhausted and overwhelmed. I wanted to smile and be chatty, but I also wanted to stay in bed all day and ignore the world. As a mum I feel the pressure to be on top of everything, and to always seem happy and confident so my children feel secure. So I get really down on myself when I feel down, I just don’t have the time to be sitting around unhappy. I get angry that I feel that way and forget that it is perfectly OK to have crappy moments, even days! I am human, I am not some emotionless robot who is programmed just to serve others and make everyone else happy. I matter too, we all do!
I think what upsets me the most when I worry, it that I fear I will go back to that place I was in years ago where I felt so lost. I have spent so much time working on becoming stronger, more confident and being happier and I am so proud of myself for that. But when I have a rough week I fear that my happiness will slip away. I have to remind myself that it won’t. I have to remember that the past is gone, that I am here in this present moment. I have to be mindful of what I am experiencing right now. I have to be willing to care for myself, and not put myself down. Getting angry at myself for experiencing some bad days is not going to help me at all, in fact it will only make me feel worse. In fact I wrote a post a while ago about the way we speak to ourselves and the impact that has on our life and our self esteem, I read it agin this week and it was a great reminder that I need to stop being so hard on myself, and I need to be careful about the way I speak to myself. The article is “are you speaking the wrong language” and yes I have been lately! I highly recommend you click on the link and take a read.
Another huge help if you are ever feeling a bit lost or worrying too much about the past or future is practicing Mindfulness as it really brings you back to the here and now. It helps you focus on the present moment and find peace in what is around you.
Mindfullness meditation is gaining popularity in the mediation world and for good reason. Mindfulness recognises that when we meditate we are likely to have thoughts crop up, and instead of saying “it is not working because I heard a sound or felt a pain and now I’m distracted”, mindfulness tells us that these distractions are normal, that our minds are thinking machines, we can acknowledge the sensation or thought, and then simply direct ourselves back to our breathing. Mindfulness is a great way to introduce yourself to mediation and help you find inner peace. There are some amazing books, one I recommend for beginners is a very basic book and great for adults, and even teenagers “Quiet the Mind”, by author Matthew Johnstone.
Mindfulness teaches us that sometimes we are so distracted by past, or future that we forget to see, or experience what is happening in this exact moment. It helps guide us back to where we are, to our breath, to this exact moment.
Even right now whilst you’re reading this your mind is probably wandering to other thoughts of things you have to do, but what if you stop right now and just be in this moment. Make yourself comfortable in your seat, close your eyes and focus on your breath. Feel the breath entering your body, feel yourself relaxing. If other thoughts enter that’s ok, acknowledge them, and then let them go, coming back to your breath, coming back to the moment.
Last week I spent too much time scared of my past coming back, and worried about what would happen in the future. instead of just being gentle on myself and reminding myself that I just needed to breathe.
“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming about some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses blooming under our window.”
I think now that I am coming back out of last weeks fog, I just need to remind myself that I’ve got this, that there will always be hard days, or even months, but that I am stronger now, that I will not give up on happiness. I need to remember that even in those darkest days there is light waiting for me. I think sometimes we all need that reminder. So if you find yourself having a hard day today, or feel like you are in the fog, remember you can get through it, just breathe and know that you are not alone.
Thanks for joining me, love Mac xx