I shouldn’t be shocked, this has happened to me before, but still every time it does I find myself wondering why I wasn’t expecting it.
I guess it is like autopilot, I am on a set course, I have my routine, the way the week will unfold, I know it well. I am fine, just running through the motions, life is busy, life is good, I am happy. Then BAM out of nowhere a trigger and I find myself fighting back the urge to cry, reaching for that breathe I so desperately need to take. My chest hurts, a few rouge tears stream down my face. Where did this feeling come from? I am fine, today has been a good day. I want to make sense of it all, I want there to be a simple question with a simple solution.
I take a few deep breaths. I turn my favourite songs up and I lose myself in the music. I wipe those tears away and I decide that for the next few moments I will fake it until I make it. I gradually feel OK again, I smile, life is good. Little moments like this come, and then they pass. I am strong. There was time that I wasn’t sure I was, but now I have no doubt, I am strong enough to know that only I control me, even though there was time where you tried to convince me otherwise, but in the end I was smarter, I was stronger, and I am proud of who I am.
So yes today I was taken by surprise, but that is OK, I am resilient, and I am happy. I am authentically me, and no one can take that away from me, not now, not ever!
Thanks for joining me, love Mac xx