Today I am calling bullshit on what girls are taught. I came across a list the other day detailing things that girls want to hear from their fathers, to be honest I found it utterly ridiculous. Why? Well to start with the number one thing on this list was “That she is beautiful,” not a beautiful person inside, just beautiful! OK so I admit when I was a little girl I wanted my dad to think I was pretty, because quite frankly I had a very low self esteem and somehow I falsely believed being ‘pretty‘ in this world was more important than being strong, smart, and having my own voice and opinions.
Maybe I am overreacting? No I am not, I mean really isn’t that crazy, (or completely shit), that the top thing is about beauty? Well I think so! To make me more mad, down the line was “you will make a good wife”!!!!!!???????? Yes I know that technically that punctuation is not correct, but what the . . . .? Really, why would that even make a top 12 list? Hello is there not so many more important things a father should tell his daughter than that she will make a ‘good’ wife? What even makes a ‘good wife’? Hmm let me guess . . Being Beautiful? I hope my husband appreciates me as a wife for more than my genetically blessed good looks! In fact I know he does. I would not be surprised if by being a ‘good wife‘ it also means bringing said future husband his slippers and pipe as he walks through the door whilst wifey walks around in a tight dress and high heels?
Also on the list was she will make a ‘good mother”! I kid you not. Who said she will even want to be a mother, or a wife, can our daughters not have other ambitions? Now in the articles defence there was some decent things on the list like being smart and strong, although do not forget these rank below being beautiful. The article was also written a few years ago, but I feel like it was written 100 years ago.
Of course I want my dad to say nice things to me, and my children’s father to say nice things to them, but there are so many more important things to say to our daughters. On my wedding day my father walked in to my parents bedroom where I had gotten dressed into my gown and his eyes welled up with tears. He told me how beautiful I looked through a shaky voice, and it is a precious memory that I treasure, but it doesn’t mean as much as when he sat with me through the hardest days of my life, or when he let me be there for him through his darkest days.
My daughters are beautiful, but they are so much more! All girls are beautiful and all girls are so much more. Don’t we need to stop focusing on girls looks so much? I shouldn’t be surprised that lists like that are still written, that girls and women are still made to feel like unless you are ‘beautiful’ (to whoever make these beauty standards), unless you are married and being a good wife and a good mummy, then you are pretty much wasting the air we breathe. Well I call bullshit on that! We all matter, we are all equal even if society needs to catch up on that fact! We as women need to look at lists like this and say ‘no more‘! We have a voice let’s use it!
Let’s teach our daughters, nieces, granddaughters, friends, students that they have a brain, they have a voice, let’s teach them that they are capable of the most amazing things and that they should fight for the right to be respected for whatever life choices they make. Dad’s if you are reading this please teach your daughters that they are equals, ask them what they want for themselves, what matters to them, and encourage them to shoot for the stars. Tell them to let their voices be heard.
What are your thoughts on this? Please leave me your thoughts below.
Thank you for joining me, love Mackenzie
41 comments
Nice rant!!!! Totally agree with you. Also, can you tell who ever it was that made the list that the 1920’s called and they want it back
I know, I couldn’t help myself! It was just so ridiculous!
Ugh, the ‘you will make a good wife/mother’ thing makes me want to gag. Girls can aspire to so much more than that. If they want to be wives and mothers that’s fine, but it’s up to them to make that choice when they’re adults – not children. #ablogginggoodtime
I couldn’t agree more. All children are bigger and more varied than our historic gender stereotypes. I too call bullshit on all that! Let’s give them a sense of value based on themselves and allow them to hope for diverse and existing futures. #ablogginggoodtime
Totally agree.
#ablogginggoodtime
Thank you
Brilliant post- so right! Completely agree. #ablogginggoodtime
glad to know I am not alone
I can’t believe those things were actually on a list! Like you I would’ve thought these things were way out of date.
We should totally be teaching our daughters that they should focus on being smart and strong. While I don’t have daughters I do teach my boys to think more of women that just being “beautiful”. Great post.
#ablogginggoodtime
Articles like these really make me mad! Holding girls up to false beauty standards and setting expectations that they need to be wives and mothers to be valid as women – it makes me see red! And to have such lists in this day and age – even if it was a few years ago – is insane!
OMG which article did you read, have we really learned nothing? This is why we have so few women still taking the top positions in big industry and fewer women engineers etc I totally agree with you hun. I don’t have a daughter but if I did I would be telling her to follow her heart and do whatever she wants because the world is hers to make of whatever she wants. 💙
What a crap article!! When was that written? I am very careful with using the “you are so beautiful” comment with my daughter and other girls. You are right, there are so many other adjectives I want I use….amazing, strong, creative….I want my daughter to feel like I did as a girl, like I could do anything, I’m so glad I had parents who strives to push their girls as well as their boys. Equally, I am careful with the words I use with my son and with boys in my class -again, not just clever or brave. It’s amazing watching parents though…..many daddies particularly treat their sons very differently than their daughters still! Anyway, I’m rambling now! Great post. I really enjoyed this. #ablogginggoodtime
Completely agree – we need to be very aware of the language we use around our girls and also about limiting their aspirations. We are not in the 1950s after all! #ablogginggoodtime xx
I never wanted to hear my dad tell me I was beautiful, I wanted him to stand up for me when my mum was telling me I was worthless and when my nan was telling me it was my fault mum was depressed. What an infuriating article. Perfect rant. #StayClassyMama
yes it sounds like something from the 19th century at least! how bizarre and awful. good looks are nice but sooo not important in the scheme of things. grrrr.
Love this! As a girl mom I still find myself saying “so cute!” or similar to, or about, other little girls and I want very much to stop doing that. I want to talk to them, find out their interests, be a supportive grown up who wants to know what’s going on inside their clever minds. With my own daughters I think I’m succeeding, but with others around me I know I’m not. Thanks for bringing the awareness!
~Jess
#StayClassyMama
Glad I never found the original article. I’m bringing up two girls and do not want them to think their main aim in life is to be pretty and a good wife! #sharingthebloglove
Wow – this is so outdated it’s ridiculous. I agree with you wholeheartedly. Sarah #ablogginggoodtime
I can’t speak for other fathers MG, but I can tell you that the little girl that lives here is being prepared for nothing less than ruling the world someday! #bloggingoodtime
It makes me so mad that such lists are still doing the rounds in this day and age! Great post, great rant, and let’s show our girls how to reach for the stars indeed!
#ablogginggoodtime
Well said! My 13 year old has said for years she will not marry of have children and if I am honest I think if she sticks with that she will have an easier ride in life. Mind you, I used to say exactly the same and would not be without my children now. But girls and women should be able to make their own choices and not all of us are natural wives, mothers or anything else for that matter. #BlogCrush
I couldn’t agree more!I love the comment from Karen Ooi too! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx
I agree I love Karens comment too!
Telling a girl she’d make a “good wife” is ridiculous and a “good mother” isn’t much better. We do tell our daughter she’s beautiful a lot, but we also tell her she’s smart, awesome, kind etc #ablogginggoodtime
I couldn’t agree more – beauty is fleeting, and if we base our self esteem on it then we’re in for a tough time. As for the wife and mother bit, if we tell our children they are strong, determined, tenacious, kind, compassionate, sensitive, courageous, and all of the other qualities we’d like them to be, then I feel that gives them the foundation they need to know they’ll be a good wife or mother if that’s what they decide to be. We need to feel happy in ourselves rather than looking to other people, or our role to other people, to make us happy. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
Popping back from #blogstravaganza
Wow! Even just a few years ago makes it sound like it was written in the last century. What a load of bull shit! I would have gotten mad too. I grew up without a father. I had no dad to tell me I was beautiful let alone any thing else. But I did have women in my life who said I need to be groomed to be a good wife and mother. It’s bullshit because I’m so much more than that. I was a generational thing that I think our generation has had to overcome. We are the generation stuck between the old way and making way for the new way of life. I don’t have a daughter but I remember when I was pregnant with my youngest and often questioned how I would raise a girl. I can tell you that it was the exact opposite of how I was raised. I would have raised her to be strong and to value her intelligence over her looks because looks fade but intelligence leaves a much bigger impact. I don’t blame you for feeling enraged by this.
Nobody should have labels put on them. Females don’t fit one stereotype. #ablogginggoodtime
Fantastic post!!! Exactly how I feel! Our girls and young women are not just around to make a lovely wife and mum , they’re here to change the world #ablogginggoodtime
*claps* Society will never change unless we stand up and challenge this drip feed of “female values” – we need to start seeing ourselves as equals and our kids as equals, no matter their gender. Girls should not be defined purely by their gender and their ability to make babies #blogcrush
Oh Mac this is totally on point! We definitely need to be empowering our little girls to have a voice and not be afraid to use it instead of ‘petting’ them to be just pretty. Thank you so much for joining me at #StayClassyMama
It’s interesting that beauty tops the list of things girls say they want to hear, it points to something fundamental in young girls about needing something they don’t have, are there so many girls who never hear that from their fathers? that’s very sad! I have to confess that even though i know my husband has told me he thinks I’m beautiful, I still like to hear it. And I know it’s shallow, I just can’t put my finger on that insecurity! I’d be interested to know how many girls were asked and where they live. #tweensteensbeyond
I am heartened by the language I see my daughter and other girls using. I think our little ladies coming up through the ranks have got this. Thanks for sharing with us at #tweensteensbeyond MG. Great to have you here. When we use the word beautiful at home it refers to the whole person or situation. I like our way, it works for us.
I can’t agree more. For some strange reason, girls have so much pressure to look good. Even check out the way we react to women’s pics compared to those of men. Chances are most women comment on other women’s looks, makeup, dress, weight unlike a man’s. I hate that the girls grow up wanting to just look beautiful and be well mannered to make good wives. That is so last century! Glad you wrote this.
Too blooming right! We seem to have taken a real step back in recent years with girls being told constantly that what they look like or who they’re with is more important than what they can do, what they think or how they behave. I want my daughter to believe she can rule the world if she wants 🙂
Agree with you on this. I’m a dad to a 9 month old, so at this stage I can technically say anything and she won’t know. But even now I’m cautious and always pick myself up on what I say. The sooner I can be aware the better. I try to comment on effort and try to base what I say on her. I don’t like saying “you look pretty” I would much rather say “you like you enjoy that outfit” or something like that. It’s going to be a constant learning curve and I’m always reading and learning about all of this.
Totally agree. I’m starting to be more careful about what I say and do in front of my 1 year old because I worry about how she’s interpreting it. #sharingthebloglove
I definitely agree with you! We seem almost to be going back to the 1950s with this sort of attitude 🙁 #tweensteensbeyond
I could have sworn I wrote a comment on this post Mac but I guess not. Being sick this week has certainly left me a little absent-minded lol. Anyway, I couldn’t agree with you more. I can’t believe there are still lists like that. Then again, if you read Cosmo magazine or some beauty magazine like them, you’ll find similar articles in there. Which is why I stopped reading those a long time ago. I don’t have a daughter but I know I would be raising her the same way I raise my boys: That she can do anything she wants in life. She isn’t held down by her gender. This is a great rant Mac. I couldn’t have said it better myself:) #TweensTeensBeyond
We are living in an era now where that kind of language just isn’t acceptable any more. Beauty has been replaced by strength, resilience, independence and so much more. A hot topic Mac and one that will never fail to provoke a response. Thanks for linking with us again. #TweensTeensBeyond
Oh gosh it never ends does it!? We make a point of talking about strength, courage, opinions and compassion with our three girls. Thank goodness things have moved on but still have a long way to go. You make some excellent point here. Thanks so much for sharing your fab post with us at #TweensTeensBeyond
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