Should I really be proud that my whole life ‘shows‘ in my face? I mean that’s what ‘Lauren Bacall’ writes in her quote
I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. ~ Lauren Bacall
But I’m not so sure I feel that way. I guess that’s why I chose to reflect upon this quote today, maybe I need to think about how I feel about ‘my face‘? And does it just stop at my face? Or is it that my whole life also tells in ‘my body‘ too? Do I love my face, my body? Do I love the story it tells? Do I even want to think about this?
I am having one of those ‘not so beautiful days‘. Do you have those days? I have them every now and then, thankfully I have the ‘I’m happy with myself days‘ more often than the negative, self defeating days. Just one more thing to write in my gratitude diary (check out this if you don’t know what I’m referring to).
But yes, today I looked in the mirror and didn’t really like what I saw. I mean I like me, (finally after years of learning to like myself), but today I’m not sure I like my face. Maybe I just don’t suit the wacky hairdo my daughter did for me this morning when she was pretending to own a hair salon and insisted on doing my hair for the day, (gotta love school holidays). Yesterday I liked my face, my hair, I was even happy with my body, yet today I’m not so sure I do.
Do I need to put on make-up, nice clothes and do my hair nicely in order to feel good about myself? The answer is some days I do, and the truth about that is that I resent feeling that way. Some days I don’t want to wear make-up, I want to get out of my shower and just be natural and feel beautiful in my own skin. And some days I can. So what is it that makes me ‘love’ the natural me some days and not want to look at myself in the mirror other days?
My life does show on my face, it shows that I am 38 years old, I have some smile lines and laugh lines and some frustration lines. I have lived 38 years and I have cried my eyes out, gotten mad, hated myself, and I have laughed hard, and smiled wide and loved myself, and I am happy with the life I have lived and who I am now. But I still would rather have less wrinkles. Maybe I’m just vain? To be honest though I don’t have a lot of wrinkles, but when I look at my skin compared to a picture of myself aged 20 I do prefer my skin back then.
The interesting thing though is that I don’t prefer my life back then, I don’t want to be that insecure girl again, yes her skin is sensational, but I like my 38 year old self better. At 20 I severely lacked self esteem and confidence, I was really judgemental of myself and the mistakes I had made. I had just come out of a terrible relationship and was in a new one with a great guy who I just couldn’t be myself around because I didn’t like myself.
So thinking about it, I guess if I have to have wrinkles to be who I am today then I will accept them, but does that mean I have to love them? I appreciate them for what they mean, I am grateful for the life my face and I have lived, for the lessons learned and all the smiles I’ve had. If I had a choice to change my path, to not have faced the ups and downs of life and that would give me a perfect face I wouldn’t do it. I would happily choose this face looking back at me to be where I am today, and have lived this life I have lived. I guess wanting my 20 year old face with my 38 year old life is too much to ask for? I can’t be greedy.
I realise I have totally blabbed on here, I don’t even know if this posts makes any sense, I’m just typing away at random. You know when you just open your mouth and speak any random thought that comes to mind without using a filter? Well that’s what this post feels like. So I apologize. But I must say, this has been good for me as I now feel a lot happier about the way I look than when I started this post, so yeh I feel good about that. I guess blogging is therapeutic.
Thanks for joining me (and putting up with my random chatter), love Mackenzie xx
What about you, do you love your face? Are you proud of the story your face tells? Do you agree with the Lauren Bacall quote? Leave me a note in the comments, or drop by facebook, twitter or instagram and say hi.
Want to link up with Friday Reflections? Here are this weeks prompts.
10 July 2015
- Write about 10 things you are grateful for this week.
- Write a book review.
- Look through your photographs and choose one to write about.
- Reflect on the following quote: I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. ~ Lauren Bacall
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