I have to confess, I am a people pleaser. I actually feel physically ill when I let someone down. I go out of my way to stick to commitments, to try and make people feel included and be the supportive shoulder for everyone. Somewhere along the way I learnt the life lesson that I had to be the good girl, that it was my responsibility to make sure everyone around me was happy. It sounds even more ridiculous when I write it down! But for some reason I believed that if everyone was just included and happy we could really live in a world full of rainbows and unicorns. (OK I didn’t really think unicorns would appear, but you get my point). I guess you could call me naïve, maybe even stupid? Or maybe I am just a dreamer?
Reality can kind of suck! Because reality is no one can please everyone, ultimately because whether we like it or not we can only make ourselves happy. It has been a lesson that wasn’t easy to learn, and as much as intellectually I know that I cannot please people, there is still part of me that is struggling to let go of that childhood naivety! Sadly I don’t have a magic wand.
We can only ever control what we do, and how we perceive things. We can only take responsibility for our own part in things, we can only control how we react, ultimately we can only look in the mirror and see what we are reflecting back to those around us. It can be frustrating though! What frustrates me the most is when people cannot seem to see their own reflection. We have to step up and take responsibility for what we contribute in any relationship. There are always 3 factors. One is the perception of the first person, two is the perception of the second person, and third is the truth.
It is hard to see people you care about being hurt because others are incapable of seeing their own reflections. I am sure many of you can relate to this frustration. I really just cannot understand how people can have issues with many people over and over and yet not realise they are the common denominator. I have learnt that no matter how much you try and help some people, they prefer to play the victim. It is like that saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. So I am trying very hard to stop trying to help those who can’t help themselves, those who take and take and give nothing. I am tired of people using my kindness to attempt to manipulate me. It is not easy for a self-diagnosed people pleaser, but I have to accept I will not be sliding down rainbows and swinging on stars in the perfect world anytime soon. Time for this little girl to grow up!
Actually no, I will continue to dream of swinging on stars, because no one can dull my sparkle!! I will just be more choosy about who I sprinkle my sparkles on. There is nothing wrong with keeping a little of our childhood wonder alive.
Time to share some Instagram love! These are my favourite from this weeks #livingfearlesslyauthentic
@pickinguptoys. @mommyandrory.
@lisapomerantzster. @everyday_gyaan.
If you aren’t following these brilliant Instagramers then pop over and show them some love.
I’d love you to come and join me at #livingfearlesslyauthentic too!
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16 comments
I used to be like this. I have realised that some people are really selfish and with them I need to safeguard my happiness. It’s important to take care of our own happiness ourselves as no one else will.
NEVER stop dreaming of sliding down rainbows!!!! I tried to grow up once, it was soooooo boring
I used to be a people pleaser too, but I’ve learnt it’s impossible to keep everyone happy. It can be hard, but it’s important to maintain strong boundaries. It’s hard at first, but it does get easier!
Thankyou for featuring my photo!I am a terrible people pleaser, it causes rows with my partner because he’s a 2 strikes and you’re out and he hates it when I get upset, I’ve tried so hard to be tougher but I’m not there yet! X
It is a difficult mindset to adopt if it does not come naturally to you, but there is a time when we all realise that we need to be more selfish and more selective with our favours. It is definitely something that comes with age, experience and having a family. Life is too busy and too short to try and accommodate the negative energy of others. Glad to hear that your sparkle is not being diminished Mac. Thanks for hosting. #mg
I used to be a people pleaser too but have gotten better at letting go of those who don’t appreciate things or can’t help themselves. It’s hard as you tend to then engage in self-loathing too but it’s doable. Love your post and sorry I’ve been missing from your lovely space!
Thank you for featuring my post and PS – I feel exactly like that – I aim to please everybody and if I don’t I feel awful. Sarah #mg
I think sensitive, lovely people want others to feel the same so try to fix others. But no one can fix another who cant/doesn’t want to be fix. Keep your sparkle and hopefully this will reflect on others. #mg
It can be challenging to keep that sparkle into adulthood — so much happens that feels out of control, and we truly realize the impossibility of living life and making everyone happy.
I am a people pleaser, mainly because I find any form of conflict incredibly stressful. My people pleasing is as much about self protection and stress aversion for me as it is about keeping other people happy.
I would love a world full of rainbows and unicorns though. It sounds like a throw back to the drug filled days of the 1970s.
Pen x
I love this and I can certainly relate to sometimes knowing better (ie. I need to stop letting this person treat me like this, or I need to stop reacting in a certain way) and doing it anyway.
As you’ve said, we can only be accountable for our own behaviour and our own reactions to things and as long as we feel good about what we’re doing that’s what’s important. (I’ve got a relation I keep vowing I’ll NOT let treat me like sh#t again and again, and yet I haven’t distanced myself from them.) And perhaps that’s cos I’m not ready to yet.
I was literally just speaking to a friend about being a yes person and having to feel the need to please everybody. Great post Mac xx Su #mg
While I think saying yes to things can be great especially for stretching ourselves and finding new things to enjoy. I’ve decided to say sod it to the drainers and welcome the radiators of life instead. Thanks for hosting #mg
I totally understand where youre coming from. I am a people pleaser. We often say in the care sector that being a carer is not just a job but rather something you just are. It is hard to turn that off. I find a lot of my mental health issues come from wanting to or being unable to help everyone and solve their problems. More so as you say when they are unable or unwilling to put in the effort needed to help themselves. #MG
I used to be a people pleaser too. Getting out of the mode has been hard work, but so worth it.
Thanks for featuring my pic, Mac.
I love your approach Mac, being choosey about who you sprinkle your sparkles on! That’s my philosophy too. Thanks for hosting #mg
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