Have you ever questioned “where do I belong?”

Do you ever feel completely alone? Have you asked yourself, or just thrown your hands up to the universe asking where do I belong?

Feeling like you don’t know where you belong, where your heart really lies can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, lonely and sad. Would it help to know that you are not alone in this feeling?

Feeling lost and confused and searching for our place in the world isn’t just for teenagers, in fact it for many people it is a life long question, “Where do I belong?”

As people we all share the common wish to fit in, to feel at home, to be accepted, to be loved, to feel like we have a purpose, like our life holds meaning. Many of us ask “what am I doing here?” We ponder the question is more to life, thinking “surely this can’t be it?” If you ask yourself these questions then don’t ever feel guilty or bad about it, trust me you are not alone in pondering.

From the moment we come into the world we are bombarded with other peoples expectations, we are taught to conform, to blend in and yet stand out for something special. It begins with family and family friends and then the expectations are packed on even more once we begin to really socialise, go to school and activities. There are so many rules, and they are not the rules of nature, but the rules that whatever society we have been born into expects us to conform to. We are taught to forget what out hearts or souls want, and encouraged, and at even times forced to fit in with these rules that others expect us to live by. It is no wonder teens rebel and question authority!

When you look at the way a toddler resists when we try to make them live by our time tables, or the way they constantly ask why (and half the time or more we don’t have any answers, other than ‘because I said so’), and when we look at why teens question us, and resist us and still we usually say “because I said so,” why do we say so? Do we even know half the time?

We want our babies, toddlers, children, teens to conform because conforming makes life simpler, if they just understood that then life would be so much easier, but deep inside we are still fighting that battle within ourselves. It is why we are so tired, why we are time poor, why we don’t do the things we are passionate about, because we are too busy following societies rules. Too busy conforming, too busy working for the things that the advertisements tell us will make us happy, too busy living in fear due to what main stream media is feeding us.

Along the way we just learn to go along with it all, and it is ok as we are happy enough, most of the time. We sometimes question if there is more, then we look around and think well everyone else looks happy. Over the years we forget to get in touch with our heart, we live with our head ruling the way. Yes our brain translates all the information and lets our body know what it wants, but it is not that simple. If we just listen to our head then we miss the messages the rest of our body is conveying. Have you ever felt sick before a test, an interview, or before a party? Have you ever had stomach cramps before a meeting? Have you ever been betrayed or hurt by someone, or experienced a loss and felt it in your chest, like your heart is actually aching? Have you ever been so busy and overwhelmed that you become ill with a cold, flu, a coldsore or a rash? I am guessing many of you can relate? People even experience so much anxiety that they have been admitted to hospital with a suspected Heart Attack and it is all from stress, their heart is healthy.

Do you know that the more we fear something the more physical pain we feel? Like childbirth, the more scared you are of giving birth, the more painful the experience. When we become overwhelmed our body screams at us with signs, we wonder what is wrong, we think we are physically becoming ill, that is the power our mind has over our body. Most people with Anxiety actually believe they are unwell in some other way, because sometimes we don’t even recognise stress or anxiety, we are not taught to be in tune with our body and our mind, we are taught to just keep getting on wit it, just keep conforming.

More and more the medical profession is becoming aware of the power that thoughts and stress have over our body, stress can make us physically ill, or at least present itself as if we are. Just close your eyes for a moment, and take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself to think of something sad, then listen to your body and ask where inside your body to do experience sadness? The same with joy, think about a person who makes you happy, think about an animal or pet, think about a holiday you loved or a memory that makes you smile, immerse yourself in the joy of that experience. Then ask yourself where in my body did I feel that joy, perhaps your arms? Your chest? Behind your eyes? You can do the same with stress if you wish, think about a situation you are either stressed about now, or a very stressful point in your life (if it is too stressful don’t go there right now). Immerse yourself in thinking about that situation, how you felt, who was there or not there, then notice your body. Is your jaw clenched? Perhaps you feel your heart racing, your breath changing, tightness across your shoulders?

We feel with our bodies and our bodies also tell us when we feel like we don’t belong. This is not something to fear, in fact realising how much our thoughts, fears ect. affect our body gives us incredible power to work towards change! Our hearts or souls are crying out to be heard, but we’ve grown up in a world we we were taught to push those feelings or fantasies away, they are childish. Grow up! Act you age! Don’t be a baby! What happened to listen to your heart? Or listen to your gut? If pain and joy are felt in your body then shouldn’t we listen to our body more than our mind?

So if you feel alone, know you are not, if you have asked where do I belong, then know you are not the only one. We all want and deserve to find our tribe, we all want to be accepted, but until we accept ourselves, until we follow our hearts it will continue to evade us. I know I am still learning, we all are and learning and listening to ourselves is the best thing we can do.

Make a pact with yourself to start living from your heart.

I’d love you to share any thoughts? Agree, disagree? Share your experience in the comments, tweet, or send me an email.

Thanks for reading and pondering wth me, love Mac xx